Bad words

Rated: 18 sx. The contents can offend some. Pls skip if you think it's annoying. Bad words, a chronological order:

Std 1: Learnt my first words, the cbs and the lcs.

Std 3: Thought I knew all curse words, I was wrong. Realized this during a football game...when an opponent team member "lovingly" uttered a new word during the match. I asked my friend what it meant, who then started describing the human anatomy in great detail. I was amazed at his mastery over the delicate subject matter.

Std 5: There was one particular word. That year that word dominated my life. Whenever I uttered those words, I could feel an almost instantaneous reaction from the crowd shouting coherently "Wow, Suthar is so cool". Cursing was fun and cool back then.

Std 6: I was an honest scholar who wanted to learn Hokkien. A dream came true for me, when my fren taught me with equal devotion.

Form 1,2,3: My bad words prime years. Probably was a district champion. I strictly sticked to my policy though, no swearing in front of the girls.

Form 4,5: Toned down a lot.

University years: I cursed whenever I was irritated or annoyed, which was bad, which meant I couldn't control myself.

And now: Almost nil, only when necessary.

Two incidents worth mentioning here:

In a train: A young teenager cursing all the way didn't realize how much attention he had gathered inside the train compartment. I felt like whacking that boy's head, who had no respect for the elders who were also traveling alongside him.

In a restaurant: Same thing, curse to glory thru the phone. Technology misuse at its best.

My point is it is good to know all these bad words. But don use them, at least in the public. It's really annoying.

The Ideal Lover

Last Sunday, I was watching this show called Ed on tv. Ed reminds me of me. He overly romanticizes things, always looking at r/hips in their ideal most manner. He fears relationships, always looking for the ideal girl who believes is somewhere, yet when he thinks he has met the ideal girl, he keeps queit. He doesnt do anything abt it, which is sad. And which is in evry way like me.

I dream of a girl who is so free from all badness. She is the source of all goodness, kind, honest, nice, loving, caring, understanding, truthful etc. She doesnt even have a bad habit. WHich is impossible, I shud know, but my heart is so stupid it never wants to accept this fact.

And for this reason alone, I prefer to delay any important or urgent decisions involving r/ships. To me, its always better if the girl is non-existent, than being bad, being not nice. In my ideal romantic world, I see everlasting happiness between me and my partner: untainted hopes at its highest level.

Which is not practical....coz it requires superhumans to achieve such extraordinary feat, to create an ideal romantic world. But i am willing to try, be this romantic freak, to achieve my goals partially at least, to meet this my so-called "ideal lover".

Euro 2004: My Favourites

Dream Team:

Goalkeeper-Buffon(Ita)
Right Back-Heitinga(Hol)
Left Back-Edman(Swe)
Centre Back-Campbell(Eng)
Centre Back-Dellas(Gre)
Defensive Midfield-Costinha(Por)
Left Wing-Robben(Hol)
Right Wing-Ljungberg(Swe)
Centre-Nedved(Cze)
Striker-Ibrahimovic(Swe)
Striker-Baros(Cze)

Others: Owen, Nistelrooy, Zagourakis, Ronaldo, Stam, Totti, Heinz, Seedorf, Maniche.

Fav Match: Cze vs Hol
Fav Team: Sweden
Fav Player: Zlatan Ibrahimovic
Fav Goal: Also considered the cheekiest goal in the tournament. Zlatan's against Italy.
Fav Moment: The look on Sven's face when Rui Costa scored for Portugal.
Fav Young Player: Marek Heinz(Cze)


Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Another one

Another dream. Not as long as the other one. But a recent one, very recent in fact. Had it somewhere in between 10pm and 2am two days back.

Darkness everywhere. So dark it was no one could be seen, not even the ones next to me. In truth, the place was crowded; not sardine-packed but still quite congested. If I can properly recall, it was a 10 storey building, could be an office lot. Not sure what all of us were doing there trapping ourselves in that small place. Strong salt smell attacked the senses from all direction. It was suffocating and blazingly hot.

Help arrived not very much later. The details were somehow blurred. On ground, I realized, there were actually not that many ppl around unlike what I thought when I was in that dark room. But more importantly, we were all safe.

Still I was unsettled. And this troubled me. What were the chances...??

She was standing alone: she appeared dejected, bearing the looks of someone who had just lost something dear. A striking resemblance to me and my feelings, which was pleasently consoling. My mirrored projection to be exact. Felt like a poet suddenly. I had forgotten how love tasted like; but if love does have a taste I want it to be as sweet as this, sweeter than the sweetest sweet. It was a fulfilling experience.

Of what good is this body when this sweetness is lost?
Of what good is the soul when its essence is outside?

We walked towards each other locking our gazes. Her brows were slightly thicker at the nose bridge and they were accentuated as her stare into mine intensified; awakening all cells and knocking each muscles in my body as the look traveled inside me.

I hesitated, to the point of stumbling. But instincts can be a great leader at these moments of hesitation, so I trusted it: instincts made me press her sides hard, squeezing them as I bring her even closer to me.

A light kiss, she gave me on my right cheeks. So light it was, the kiss could have been mistaken for a heavier breeze of the blowing wind. Which was inviting in evry way. Possessed by lust, I asked her "is that it?" to which she replied by pressing her lips harder and longer this time again on my right cheeks.

Sensing a feeling of inadequacy and dissatisfaction in me, she took a step backwards and mumbled some incomprehensible words to me in a foreign language. She sighed heavily, clearly expressing her disappointments.

All of a sudden as if possesed by the mighty Aphrodite, she rushed to my lower lips, capturing them tightly with hers, not even permitting the mighty air to pass thru the gap. She did it with such ferocity and passion I almost choked in pleasure: the punishment I got for being careless for a few seconds. But even then I managed to feel how soft the lips were, the ones which were pressing mine; the warmth of her mouth were comforting and the moist equally alluring: setting a perfect balance in my emotions, in which a certain lightness was felt that left me wandering why I wasnt floating at that moment.


Inviting

Cellphoneless: Setting a Trend

Cell. Mobile. Handphone. All the same. Nokia this, Nokia that, Motorola this, Motorola that. And it's getting better: both the phone and the service, which is a good thing for the phone lovers. Whatever it is, no one can seriously deny the influence it has on ppl's lives today. It has become part of them: a detachable limb. It's a real common sight now I mean, ppl with their phones.

But I am not impressed. Am not an anti-cell user or anything like that. I just believe our lives will still be normal even without a phone. Even the lives of the so-called busy ppl will be normal. I don't want to argue further on this matter. If you have doubts, just turn off your phones for a week. However, I dont deny "some" ppl do genuinely need them. Very exceptional are these cases.

Is this trend healthy and how do we handle this issue ethically? Publicly or personally? The problems are always there, we just dont want to see. May seem harsh but its the truth.

SO, users use the cell wisely. It's not a culture, don let it be ur culture, its just a tool, a communication tool, to say hi, hello and goodbye.


The conventional way, anyone?

The Beautiful Side of Hunger

Wednesday: two slices of bread. Thursday: 1 slice. Friday: plain water with chips. Saturday morning: plain water with a few cigaratte sticks. Saturday afternoon: nothing. Early Saturday evening: sleep. Late Saturday evening: Almost died. Got up weak, feeling extremely down, in the most deplorable state imaginable. Suicidal, almost.

The situation has to be fixed, somewhere, somehow. Had a long bath. Felt slightly replenished. But telling u, the headache killed. It had a certain kinda heaviness to it, felt like someone was constantly smashing my head.

Extremely terrible. Walked around aimlessly, took a few deep breaths, pondered over many things, mostly useless things. Gathered the last drop of youthfulness in me, and headed towards a restaurant. Ordered plenty of food.

When it came, regretted. Thought it was too much. But I managed to finish them all somehow. The trick was, don get over excited, and the muscles will follow ur commands well. As simple as that. My condition was much better after that. ...All of sudden felt so special. The explanation for my actions remained a mystery even to me. More importantly, I learnt some valuable lessons that I may not want to forget in this lifetime, at least..hehe.

To believe or not to believe

Rather unpleasing thought it was. Imagine everything you have were stripped, ur possesions taken away, ur hopes dashed: ur life is in crumbles. U are standing stark naked and exposed to all kind of threats: defenseless, weak, and ur only true companion is disbelief.

Sea of hopelessness seems to span everywhere covering evry corners of ur litted heart with darkness. Will u still believe? And all ur life u had been defending and believing this something that was so intangible, something so abstract, something that can only be felt but not proven. Faith unquestioned and unchallenged.

But a small crack in the immeasurable darkness is so uplifting just like watching a baby smiling at you. So intense the rays are from this opening, the disbelievers are often left blinded at its first sight. What a turn of fate? Tossing and throwing and imbalancing you off ground expecting nothing from you but a tight grip to the rope of hope that had been offered. Can u hold on to that slippery rope? How long somemore before a new test commences?


The crack of life

This was my greatest fear, firmly I can say now that I am now completely over this phase: a period of disbelieve and discontentment.

Unwell and Can't Stop Thinking Abt You

Have I ever mentioned how closely sufferings and spirituality are related? To me they are very close, closer than most of the things if not all. Why do I say that? Simple. I feel rather weak in my mind and body at the moment. Extremely. I am not exactly sure why.

The thing is You often failed to visit me at these most troubling times. Why suddenly? I never think of You so much. I believe in You, but being constantly in touch with You, thats different. It's not freaky, it's just not natural I feel. It would have been a totally different story if You frequent my thoughts daily even when I am well.

I am feeling rather guilty for not thinking of You much before this. So in a way from all these, I learnt to be more grateful, to thank You genuinely, from the deepest corners of my undimmed heart. Will this new found relationship thrive? Can I hope to find solace in it? Can You at least make my mind be available for freedom?

Someone told me if I move forward two steps to You, You will come running towards me. Do You really love me that much? Do You in turn demand anything in return? If thats the case, I have no choice but to surrender upon You.

A Dream

I dream a lot. Often they are vivid, often colourful, and very life-like. I still can recall most of them, at least partially. But all these dreams pale in comparison with two dreams that I had quite some time back. And I am adamantly persistent that these dreams carry some great signicance into my life. I will talk abt one of them now, the other one, is rather personal.

It was a run down school, probably functioned as a Japanese Military base during the British occupation in Malaya. The government suspected a few bombs were still planted in the school walls. So I was commisioned with a few others to detect those bombs and detonate them..hehe. In truth, I dont know much abt bombs. Each of us had a walkie talkie, were dressed like a guerilla combatant; I believe the school was situated somewhere in the jungle.

Of particular interest in that school was a classroom. Inside I saw a chained monkey drenched to the bone. It was struggling but looked fierce and a friend of mine was trying to calm it down. The noise the monkey made was loud almost reaching my higher frequency hearing range. Deafening basically. While all these were taking place, a large monitor lizard was charging towards where i was standing at an amazing speed. I was equally fast, and I managed to avoid. The lizard escaped. We didnt bother. Somewhere in between I got fed up with the whole situation and decided to abandon my mission and continue my journey. I sneaked out slowly, and somehow managed to free myself from the mess.

I found a trail, an old piping system leading towards a peak of a hill or a mountain whichever is more appropriate I wouldn't know. I ascended in a few seconds. It was as though I was moving with the wind itself, so swift, so undisturbed. At the peak, I had a few options: options to choose from a variety of paths descending to the foot of the hill. I trusted the same piping trail that brought me up and followed it again at an unimaginable dexterity.

The mountain ended at a beach: a vast golden sandy beach stretched straight on my right and left. Amazingly, palm trees can't be seen anywhere. The trees beside the beach belong to the less dense tropical forests. It all seemed very peculiar. The setting and all I mean. The sea in front of me, was unusually calm, too serene. No near islands whatsoever. The sun was directly above me, the day was bright but not hot. The sands were silky soft and were a real treat for my feet.


Sands of the serene sea

As I was strolling along the beach, I saw some paw prints leading towards the jungle. Too large for a domesticated cat. Somehow, I believed it belonged to a cat. The path was so clear, not intentionally hidden or covered. I knelt down to have a greater look at these prints. Very sure I was then it was a tiger's.

I stood up almost immediately after realizing that I was being watched. Our eyes met for that very instant at the conjunction of the heighest height and the deepest depth. The gaze was mightily intense, passionate and arousing. The sun's rays did reveal the full form of the majestic beast's beauty to me, the grandest of all beast that was: a Royal White Bengal Tiger. But "something" halted me from approaching. This "something" I suppose is fear and admiration. Though I maintained my flight distance, I could feel his soul penetrating my body, passing to me a great amount of knowledge. My soul understood, but my mind failed miserably. It was as though I was meeting a side of me that I had neglected so long. After these short powerful revelations, the beast returned to its home and I continued my journey.

I knew I had walked into civilization again as i saw a group of semi-naked bodies lying under the sun trying to tan their pale bodies. I failed to take down the details. Not so important after all.

Then, I think I got up baffled but satisfied.

France: Euro2004

The First 11
Fabian Barthez Claimed to be the weakest link in the team at the moment. Proved the critics wrong after saving Beckham's penalty.
William Gallas Never fancied him actually b4 the England match. Potential of launching an organized attack from the right.
Lillian Thuram Used to be one of the best defenders in the world, maybe he still is. Will not forget his solo effort against Croatia in World Cup 98'.
Mikhael Silvestre Not too bad really, if he doesnt repeat his mistakes.
Bixente Lizarazu Extremely hardworking and still quite pacey.
Patrick Vieira Probably the greatest ball winner in modern football. Can't do without him.
Claude Makelele No flair, no skills, cant be seen much but very essential.
Robert Pires When he's hitting form he's irresistible.
Zinedine Zidane He's the heartbeat of the team. The best player in the world. What else is there to be said? Basically, this great man produces great moments.
Thierry Henry Extremely fast, extremely skillful. Deadly. An all-rounder.
David Trezeguet Good finisher. More towards a poacher. He produces some nice header actions.


The Winning Team: 2000. Deschamps was the captain.

Hope

Hope is a good thing
Maybe the best of all things
And no good thing ever dies

Hope is higher than the highest mountains, deeper than the deepest oceans, better than the best experience and greater than the greatest moments. It carries such a profound meaning to existence. When everything else fails us hope cheers us up. It breathes life. Beautiful, the experience is just beautiful.

Is it desire? No, it isn't desire, it's purer than that. Hope's untainted unlike compulsive cravings. It's much more than that, hopes are sincere emotional needs. Hope is good coz it connects us to the better side of us. In a way, it teaches.

I am hopelessly lost for words here, translating its beauty and grandeur. Hope is just too brilliant, too large to be depicted by words. You have to have hopes to understand the feeling. I sincerely hope that. Right now, I just hope that I can get a bus ticket tommorow.


Can u feel it?

Alexander: The Last Series, I think

..behold, a fourth beast, so dreadful and terrible,
and strong exceedingly; and it had great iron teeth.
It devoured and broke in pieces, and stamped
the residue with the feet of it; and it was diverse
from all the beasts that were before it, and it
had ten horns.

I am sure right now you all know how much Alexander had impressed me. The thing is to me, the King still has a commanding presence; his body might have decayed but his ideals still live on till this day. Such a character he is, how can I not write something abt him again?..:)

I wouldn't know for sure if he was a tyrant or a hero, coz historic journals on him vary so much. But I suppose he can be considered the greatest military strategist of all time. He died at a very young age, the cause no one exactly knows. Speculations however are aplenty; heavy drinking, apendicitis, internal bleeding, fever, Hephastion's death and so on. These ancient Greeks believed so much in myths and legends, that they actually claimed his early death was expected: it seemed to them that all his successful campaigns and victorious great battles made his heart burnt faster than the other mortals. His triumphs as a conquerer had somehow denied him a long life.

I may have to admit here, probably he was a crazy guy, especially under the influence of alcohol. Few incidences: the burning of Persepolis, the murder of Cleitus, Parmenion, Philotas and Amyntas. As a result, he wasnt very popular back then, and the Athenians were actually celebrating when they learnt that their King had died.

After that, Ptolemy became the Egyptian king, Seleuccas the Persian king, Perdiccas the ruler of Epirus, Lysimacchus the ruler of the Thracian region: but they never prospered like before. In fact Perdiccas was killed in a battle with Ptolemy. All the mixed marriage concept between the Persians and the Greeks were abandoned after Seleuccas's death. And unity was never achieved in the true sense. The once glorious Macedonian empire suffered a terrible fate.

Like I said there are many stories thus too many possibilites. Maybe somethings are better left undiscovered so he can be remembered as a hero. A real hero.


Eternal glory: maybe

The Annus Mirabilis (The Miracle Year):1905

Energy. Matter. Motion. Time. Space.

In 1905, Albert Einstein is 26, a patent examiner, working on physics on his own. He creates the Special Theory of Relativity, in which he demonstrates that measurements of time and distance vary systematically as anything moves relative to anything else.

In March 1905, Einstein creates The Quantum Theory of Light, the idea that light exists as tiny packets (photons). Einstein's work anchors the most shocking idea in twentieth century physics: we live in a quantum universe, one built out of tiny, discrete chunks of energy and matter.


How smart was he?

In April and May, Einstein publishes two papers. In one he invents a new method of counting and determining the size of the atoms or molecules in a given space and in the other he explains the phenomenon of Brownian motion.

And then, in June, Einstein completes special relativity -- which adds a twist to the story: Einstein's March paper treated light as particles, but special relativity sees light as a continuous field of waves. Einstein sees light as wave and particle...how's that for a change?..:-)

Later in 1905 comes an extension of special relativity in which Einstein proves that energy and matter are linked in the most famous relationship in physics: E=mc2.

The Philosopher-King

According to Plato, author of The Republic, Alexander is an ideal ruler a state can have. Alexander: he had both the qualities of Aristotle, the Philosopher and Philip, the King. He was well-versed in the political science, a master strategist, a valiant fighter on the battlefield, and a noble ruler. To me his greatest achievement was to unite all the different races in his vast spread nation: from the red haired and freckled Triballians, straight dark haired and olive skinned Persians, curly haired black Libyans and Ethiopians, to the straight haired wig wearing short Egyptians, and not forgetting the Judaens, Samaritans, Rhodeans, Cretans, Cypriots, Anatolians, Babylonians and many other races.

Alalalai!

I realized of his noble intentions thru the conversation he had with Memnon of Rhodes before the great battle of Halicarnassus. Memnon anyway is the only enemy he respected and admired greatly. Memnon had stated that he hates war and rulers who desired war for self-glorification. Alexander protested by saying his interest to conquer the mass region was to unite the people of different races under the same banner. He was true to his words, somehow I guess it was due to Aristotle.


Alexander the Great on Bucephalas

Death of Philip

Wreathed is the bull
All is done
The one who will smite him is ready

Phytia the Oracle only uttered these words when the King consulted her at Delphi. All thought this was a good omen as the campaign to raid Asia, more precisely Persia had just started. The bull they said is the symbol of the summer capital of the Persian empire, Persepolis. But the good King knew his destiny better...

The King was stabbed by a man named Pausanias (or something like that) in the court at Pella when he was preparing to get married to a young girl, young enough to be his daughter. The author never really mentioned abt the real motive of the murder. But he speculated evry possiblities there was thru Aristotle's character; the most interesting was the one where he spoke of the jealousy of a male lover..hehe, these Greeks can be quite perverted at times.

Philip was a very rational man, a good strategist, a good father, above all a great King but didn't make a good husband. Olympia, the Queen was greatly saddened by this, she grieved often and was terribly raged when the King announced of his plans to get married again for the 8th time. She felt the position as the Chief Queen was threatened; she wasn't a Macedon whereas the new bride was. Furthermore, her son's right as the heir to the throne would be taken away, and this troubled her even more. For all these reasons, I personally think, it was Olympia who schemed the murder plan and thus should be blamed for the death of the King.

By the way, the bull is what Philip's bodyguards and friends used to call him when he was young..:)


Philip: End of an era

Alexander: A Walking Bundle of Contradiction

Alexander the Great was probably the greatest conquerer known to the Western world. Born to Philip of Macedonia and Olympias, this man had inspired many poets, storytellers, and historians for generations with his great conquests and knowledge. And what exactly has made this individual so inspirirational? What shaped his thoughts? What was he like?

Alexander often struggled: his ego, his feelings, and his thoughts often clashed. He was wild, brutal and barbaric, and humble, knowledgeable and civilized by nature. He was untamed but was noble. But what made him so distinctive, so different?

Ambition. Courage. Curiosity. Ethics.


Sons of lions will be lions

Like Achilles, he was born with two options: to have a long but dull life or a short but exciting one. His people believed he was an immortal with a mortal's body. Me, I don't know what he thought. I just think he wanted to be remembered, probably wanting his glories to shine eternally.

Equality(II)

This is Fullness,
That is Fullness,
This Fullness comes from that Fullness,
That Fullness comes from this Fullness,
And what remains is Fullness.

To me the concept of totality and equality cannot be separated. So the explanation on equality will not be complete without a proper understanding on my concept of totality. Like I said earlier, Perfection is everywhere including in us. We just have to understand this and appreciate this and realize this. The experience and the feeling I suppose if this concept is realized are well beyond the scope of language and words. Thus, the real beauty of the verse above lies not in its interpretation but its appreciation. Believe me, the deepest depth of the soul when kept undimmed reflects Divinity.


Feeling full??

Children of one great Father we are; black, white, tawny, yellow, red we are all the same. Why then do we separate ourselves from our very own neighbours and our very own countrymen. And conveniently we blame the culture and tradition as the reason. If indeed it were true, we dont need such misleading culture and tradition. Then there should be no superior race and no inferior race, no champions and no underdogs for we are all built from the same entity. He knows this well.

Equality

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with inherent and inalienable rights; that among these, are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.
- US Declaration of Independence as originally written by Thomas Jefferson, 1776.


Crippled and Baseless

I am not sure why, but this time I chose to tackle an issue that had been troubling me for quite some time: equality. It's rather sad to mention that inequality among mankind still exists in many forms race, gender, religion, creed, caste. I am not a preacher of any sorts but I do agree I am a firm believer of my faith. And what does my faith say: this fullness comes from that fullness, that fullness comes from this fullness, and what remains is fullness. Meaning I see everything as perfect as the element of Perfection is in everything. U get my point?? If that's the case, is it fair to conclude that each of us are essentially different?? Don't deny we are unique but the essence that bonds all of humanity is still the same, that's my point.