YUVA - A Different Experience

Away Too Long

2008-11-27T16:59:00.004+08:00

I suffer like an ice on a hot rod,
I suffer like a patient without morphine,
These eyes they are certainly not mine.
Nor are these limbs or these ears.

Like a big wave,
Like an unfinished storybook,
Like a wind traveling thousand miles,
I let my mind wander.

Let it wander said my body,
To ease the sufferings.
The warmth I felt; almost cold,
Ever since that big wave hit me.

Of what use are these musings?
Or are they ramblings?
Why isn't anyone punishing me?
For being away too long.

You know its just wonderful....Continued after 2 yrs

2008-11-24T16:51:00.002+08:00

When you can still remember your blog's password after 2 years. When you still think you are a teenager although you are fast approaching the 30s. When a hot chick thinks you are good looking(ok, maybe i am making this up). When you can still feel the raindrops....hear them so damn loudly still. When you can still wake up at 930 and go to work. When you can still listen to great Tamil songs (previously thought that's it). When you can still dream and smile a bit thinking of your dreams. When you can still feel that stupid pulling force...like how the force of earth pulls a drop of water to it's heart. When you can still walk slowly, and while walking someone looks at you directly and smiles. A smile from a perfect stranger, that's lovely don't you think?
When you can still imagine and day-dream. When you can touch your tummy and still feel it is flat. When you....ohhh, whatever.

That's it for now. For me to read in another 20 yrs time.

Some nice lines

2006-09-19T17:01:00.000+08:00

Rain. Tiny leaves. Blossoming flowers. Wet earth. Mild weather, moody skies. All these, and a little recollection..of some nice lines.

Well she's walking through the clouds with a circus mind that's running round.... - Jimi Hendrix
Hike up your skirt a little more and show your world to me, in a boys dream - Dave Matthews

Warm dreams. Warmer hearts.

Pudurayavil Oru Kaathal Kathai

2006-08-25T18:28:00.000+08:00

Kannamma konjum nilamma!!

Suttum vizhi chudardhaan kannamma suriya chandiraroa
Vattak kariya vizhi kannamma vaanak karumai kolloa

Bhayangara slow mama nee!!! Bus ponna thaan theriyum. Naa unne intha kariya building kulle romance pannuven mattum nee ethirpaakathe!!

An affair....

2006-06-04T15:31:00.000+08:00

Oh well...that shall not describe my disappearance. But the idea was playing in my head for quite a bit now. NOW? maybe now isnt that appropriate, replace it with not too far back. my verdict on that was, affairs arent worth it, not emotionally, not financially, not time wise, but why do normal-joes with normal lives go for such a thing..jumping hormones and the other head thinkin could be the answer..:D.

with or w/o intentions my brains had been dragging me to a past that i lived, say 6 yrs back. the things which happened are all still fresh, can still feel the juices..no, dont get me wrong. i just wanna highlight how fresh those memories are, not the FEELINGS, pls get that right.

and stupidly, i wanted to revisit those memories. for what, god knows. great delusion!! haha..humor me joes. i am really like an unstable atom at the moment, can jump states at any instant, without notice..hehe, not too good isnt it? but not fickle. theres a fine line there. go figure.

of course there are things and ppl in my life that i really do appreciate, more than anything. and will swim the seven seas for them, not literally. these are the nice things i have, my real treasures, and my future, NOPE they arent as bleak as the past...

like someone said, life is too fragile, we cant stay, when our turn's up..so folks live like there's no tomorrow, and make sure your conscience is as clear as day 1. thats the lesson i learnt, these few months.

freckles, locks, curls and dimples..whats life w/o them? also shit, piss, wax and pimples..whats life w/o them? my second lesson. sometimes, life is really like a cekodok, with more tepung but less banana, but you dont throw that cekodok away, do you?..something like that laa...

to the title i shall add...that i DO NOT want to remember. thats all for now, sorry for ruining your day. have fun.

You know its just wonderful....

2006-01-24T18:28:00.000+08:00

When you can get up at 9.30 am everyday, and get paid for it. When you can have a hot steamy bath after spending long hours in a friggin' cold lab. When you can say the stupidest things without having the fear of being judged. When you forget to brush your teeth or when you accidentally apply facial foam on your hair thinking its shampoo and can still smile thinking about it. When you have all the freedom in the world to pick the rock you want to jump on or the post you want to lean on. When you can laugh non-stop until your whole body shakes. When you can eat a plate of CKY and a bowl of black mountain for 1.80. When you are able to listen to great songs all day, and can relate to some of the songs and move your hips a little when no one's looking. When you find an extra 10 bucks in your pocket without having the slightest idea how it got there in the first place. When you get locked outside your house for hours, without your wallet, coins or cigarettes. When you can watch Barcelona beating Chelsea in a CL match and the camera recording an emotional sobbing Mourinho. When you dont have to worry about money anymore. When you can have a decent intellectual stimulating conversation with the person you love the most. When you can sleep soundly without thinking over whats happening around you. When a hot chick says you are good-looking. When you can see kids playing football like Maradona in Malaysia. When you can complete 100 metres in 12 seconds (slow but ok). When you can just stare and stare and stare and stare without having to say a single word to convey your feelings. When you get a kiss from a never seen 2-year old kid for no apparent reason.

Life in Numbers

2006-01-17T14:29:00.000+08:00

One in purpose.
Two sides to a coin, three sides to a character.
Four seasons, five stars.
Six schools of thought.
Seven shades of rainbow.
Inverted eight begets infinity, and with nine and sixty ways,
Zero could be the beginning or the end.

Surfing and swaying

2006-01-12T17:37:00.000+08:00

Rang de Basanthi rocks! Especially Roobaroo Roshini. Can pretty much say AR Rahman is back after the happening Fanaa...God, the man is a freaking genius. A few Hindi words that I picked up today - bandar and sala. I know what pyaar means...:). Or anjanaa, or anjaani, or khuda hafiz. The theme music from Bombay was used in Lord of War (Nicholas Cage). Saw the movie 2 days back, not too bad, its abt gunrunning and armsdealing - a black comedy/drama, minus the violence. Something like Grosse Pointe Blank, minus Cusack's charm.

Mourinho amazed me again through Wikipedia. Check out the quotes section. He's really a piece of shit. If I wanted to have an easy job...I would have stayed at Porto - beautiful blue chair, the Uefa Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me. Full of drama, all the time. I have seen him kicking ball before, and certainly he's not the best. Coaching's a different story.

Has anyone listened to Ganga before? Musical composition. Beautiful absolutely. I don't know who is the composer, particularly love the violin. Do drop a line if you know anything abt these guys. And, a friend mentioned yesterday the Gallaghers are coming to Spore soon; wanna go so much, how not to, they defined the type of music I end up listening now. And with all those bands in high school playing Wonderwall, Don't Look Back in Anger and Champagne Supernova, certainly they were very popular among the 90s high school kids. Still cant beat Nirvana though..:). Girls were busier with BB, and 911 (generally boybands). And MLTR - I am not an actor, not a star, and I dont even have my own car.....cheesy, bloody cheesy.

The first rule of selling: belief in the system or the product you are selling. Not applicable to sales only. So what do I believe in? Null. Void. Formless. Getting there, what do I want in this life? Specifically this year? A BMW, total bollocks, I wish.

Freaking cold

2006-01-09T16:24:00.000+08:00

My first post this year, and I wish to fill it with some positive stuff. BUT, its so freaking cold in here, I cant help myself from feeling numb and dumb at the same time. My fingers are actually shaking when I am typing, and my back experiences micro-level movements; painful. Cold weather in a tropical climate country is generally welcomed; this is not that. This is a freaking cold lab, and me being jacketless (not sure if that's proper), really worsens the whole goddamn feeling. Before I move further and further into an useless subject matter as this, let me at least freshen ur thoughts with my resolutions this year.

Let's see what I hope for this year:
1. To quit smoking for good
2. To make some money

That's it. I have become so absent-minded these days. And I only have myself to beat. Weird. Just hope this coming year will be generous to me finacially..hehe.

Would like to end this post in a lighter note, quoting a character from the movie Wedding Crashers actually: grief is nature's best aphrodisiac. And to all, have a nice year ahead. Jumbled jumbled. Got to get an organizer.

All Day

2005-12-15T18:10:00.000+08:00

All day I stare at the wall, and i see the shadows, and see a different side of me.
All night, I stare at the celing, i think of the day, and then i think of you.
I am unaware of the time which passes by, and soon its another day.
And I stare again, and see a different shadow and a different side of me.

The ceiling is skewed, the faded walls, all seemed to talk.
I try to find a solution, like that, like how you told me.
I turn my hands around, and my head follow along.
It isn't that complicated, just ask a kid, she'll tell.

All month, I wait for a new year, all year I wait for that day.
All day, that day, I sleep, sounding less than a hiss.
Deep and uncommon thoughts that brought us together, where are you?
Maybe the world can patch us together.

All day, I dream of just a breakfast together.
Of just a plate of sunny-side up with a cup of coffee.
I recall the taste, but the face looked bitter.
People say we looked too different, all day I think of that.

And I want to talk about it, but reasons aren't that new.
If we can get over it, the feelings are real true.
Just be an easy friend, for me to let go.
Maybe then , we can a find place together, in this perfect weather....hehehehe.

True, i feel it more than ever.

Unemployed graduates

2005-11-09T10:17:00.000+08:00

Do they lack the motivation to work? What work is being offered first of all? Is the work related to the course they studied? How can someone expect an engineering degree graduate to do non-technical sales? True, there are exceptions, but expecting all graduates to be more open to the job market is just plain wrong. Simply because you kill their aspirations and dreams.
What does the industry want? Good English? Good grades? How different is a third class engineer from a first class engineer? How different is a third class sales guy from a first class sales guy? No difference. I feel, grades only contribute to good analytical skills. Even in the academic line or research line, grades are not of primary importance. The not-so smart students may have plenty of other skills that a high-scoring student may lack. Leadership for instance.
What about looks? Is good looks important to secure a job? In this country, in most places, it is important. Coz the society still stereotypes. A male boss will prefer a young good-looking girl to a serious-looking guy anytime. A graduate knows thats wrong, but motivation to come to work is more important to that boss guy. I am not saying, everyone is like that, but in most places, better looking fellows are preferred. But gradutes too, have to learn to be a little presentable.
We don't want fresh graduates. They don't know anything, but they still want a high pay. How high is high? If a graduate is asking for 3K, he deserves to be shot; but I am sure this is always not the case. Most graduates do understand, what the situation is really like and rarely demand more than they deem is neccessary for their first job. So, industry what is the problem? No recommendation? No good grades? No quality? The industry I feel never takes the unemployment problem too seriously. You knowlaa, capitalist thinking, all they want is money. Who the hell cares if a bus-driver's son is jobless? The only genuine response i am willing to accept is if they really don't need someone to work at their place.

So the solution:
1. School should stress, marketable jobs. Students will have a better idea on what courses to choose. Education ministry can prepare a year to year job market chart for the schools to follow.
2. Universities should increase the number of student intakes for these marketable jobs, and reduce the intakes for some courses that don't need that many students.
3. Industry, be unbiased when hiring. You won't lose a thing.
4. Graduates, always be prepared. Learn more skills. Make sure the industry craves for ppl like u. And don't give up.

Understanding Spirituality

2005-10-18T14:40:00.000+08:00

Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan. In God we Trust.

1. Is there God?
2. Darwinism is more or less accepted by science. It means, man had indeed evolved from apes, and had not always been intelligent. So the concept of Godhood is new, and was created only when we could deduce. Explain. What about soul then, or spirit? Did it evolve too? Or is it beyond evolution?
3. Death intrigues me. Where does the spirit go? Or is there first of all, such a thing as spirit? Population increases exponentially - meaning souls too have been increasing exponentially. As I understand Prakriti (Sanskrit: body + mind + matter) is the host, and Purusha (spirit/soul) is the guest. The host has to be inhabited otherwise it's lifeless. Will Purusha always be one regardless of the increment or decrement of the hosts?
4. Can I see God? Or feel or touch HIm? Why does He tolerate the intolerable? Nature's fury may be an answer, but couldn't it just be a coincidence? Why is He so difficult to reach? True knowledge it must be, for to answer all these, I really don't have an answer.
5. Can science/logic explain all? True knowledge, what about it? Is logic alone sufficient? Or must I step down from rationality to accept God blindly. That is why I said it is difficult to reach Him. Prakriti's limited otherwise, I could have understood Purusha.
6. Good men are not always God men? Explain. What about Him being the nurturer of ethcis. Hearsay? Or ethics only evolved in an intelligent, cultured society, such as this - meaning God became more ethical?
7. What happens at the end? Big blackout? Death again is intriguing.

Conclusion: I am a rational person. I seek logical answers. I need to UNDERSTAND, I don't follow. I seek.

Little wing

2005-08-26T14:35:00.000+08:00

When I'm sad, she comes to me, with a thousand smiles, she gives me free. - Little Wing

Feeling too heartsick to fight back,
I abandoned all hopes in me,
To reach or even relive,
That tiny spark people call happiness.

I wallow and I spit,
I think back and I curse,
Of what huge promises,
This tiny spark once made.

Self-pity held me close,
And made me prisoner in her towers;
Punishing me unmercifully with the death verses,
Composed to the sullen symphony - the guards whistle.

A little consolation from little wing,
Which keeps on playing,
In my not-so-straight head.
And I silently wish - for Her coming.

Haze worsens!

2005-08-11T13:53:00.000+08:00

API in Cyber shot high overnight. Refer to Putrajaya. Even, the inside of my house was fogged up.
Schools in Selangor was ordered to close down today and tomorrow by the Education Ministry as API level in most places have rose above the hazardous mark.
The ice-cube rain in Subang was confirmed. These ice cubes were reportedly about the size of 20 cents coin.
Check out the NASA satellite image of Sumatera and Peninsular Malaysia here. It may take a while to load.

You be the judge. Should or shouldn't a stern action be taken against the Indon govt.?

Haze - Make them eat their own shit!

2005-08-10T17:46:00.000+08:00

Darurat Jerebu!! (Haze Emergency) will be declared if the API index exceeds 500. Currently the worse API reading recorded in Malaysia is 410 at Port Klang (hazardous level).
Holidays!! My boss has announced holidays for all staff and students for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow following the worsening condition of haze in Cyberjaya for the past few days. Even the Education Minister has urged the schools not to be afraid to suspend schools if haze is bad.
Hails because of haze?? Now this incident hasn't not been confirmed yet by the officials. In a tropical country such as this, I really doubt it.

I am extremely pissed and irritated (literally), for having to eat the shit produced by our neighbours. Yeah, they say sorry, but is that enough? Is our tolerance level really that high? And yeah, the Indons do claim they impose heavy sentence on illegal loggers and ppl who practice open burning, but again is that enough? This year it's bad, though it was worse in 97. And talking abt that year, why did we never face this problem before 1997; could it be because of Suharto's Mega Rice project? One could only speculate. Regardless, it's very much understood that the haze we are experiencing today are due to all those open-burnings in Sumatera and Kalimantan, not from the so-called hot-spots in Johor or Pahang or Sarawak or Sabah. It's a fact, and the Indons have to face it.
The Malaysian govt. have to make them face it. But seriously, I don't think it'll happen. As long as we have "idiotic" leaders like Najib (Deputy PM) who is so pussified to even release the API reading, nothing remotely close to that will ever happen. Why Najib? Why so much secrecy? If the intention is to protect the tourism industry, I must say the Govt. is rather short-sighted and acting very selfishly. The ppl aren't stupid. Make them(the Indons) eat their own shit!! And let them gag and choke coz of it.
And to u fellas, do drink lotsa water.

Friends who share similar sentiments: vivian, johnsee
A good blog to read: jeffooi

All men are brothers

2005-07-28T16:27:00.000+08:00

Listed below are two of the finest speeches in American history:

I Have a Dream
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.
- Martin Luther King Jr.

Gettysburg Address
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
- Abraham Lincoln

God made man, man made law

Sickle and Hammer

2005-07-25T16:15:00.000+08:00

31st August 1957. The date of our independence.
1967. The year Malay was made the National Language (Bahasa Kebangsaan)
1969. The bloody communal riots.
70s. National Economic Policy.
1985. The first car.
1997. The "outstanding" economic growth was stunted.

The issues:
1. 48 years of independence, but nothing great has been achieved. The govt. has succesfully moulded a pretentious, govt-policies conforming crowd. And to shut the rabble-rousers we have the ISA (internal Security Act). We have the tallest tower, the 3rd longest bridge, etc. but the disparity between the haves and the have-nots still remain considerably high.

2. The central govt. is too autocratic. This is not democracy, even I will agree you need to be autocratic to govern a weak country (Malaysia). But imagine what happens when you have stupid policies and corrupt leaders leading the central govt. The media is too weak, too agreeable, a rather great propaganda tool for the already powerful government.

3. The bully. It's a Malay Malaysia, not a Malaysian Malaysia!!

Proposal:
Change the constitution. Allow job promotions among the non-Malays in the Govt. Focus on more important issues. Punish corrupt leaders severely.

All Men are Brothers

Do not let sickles confuse you. I am NOT suggesting for a socialist govt. Only demanding for a just society. OTHERWISE, the Malaysia we know will cease to exist.

If...

2005-07-14T17:59:00.000+08:00

I was in KLIA Express the other day, and couldn't help myself from not reading this beautiful poem by (Joseph) Rudyard Kipling.

My favourite has to be these lines:

......If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;.......

We all make mistakes, some are great some are not. Some affects us badly, some not too bad. Regardless, we learn to move on and improve ourselves. And forgive and be forgiven in the process; often we are trapped in situations where we ask ourselves, what if only.....it's consoling but doesn't help a bit.

Swing swing Dream dream

2005-06-29T17:05:00.000+08:00

Keep your dreams close to your heart - Rocker Bala.

Check out my sidebar, under Wishlist, for the Things I Want To Do.

Of butterflies and crows

2005-06-16T19:23:00.000+08:00

Isn't that the title of the last post inverted? Mathematically, NO.

Butterflies are gone. I was right. I realize the most beautiful part of a relationship (for me) is at the beginning. The chase. The infatuation. But I can't take that immature mushy mushy talk. Does this mean I am not a one-woman man?

That stupid crows in front of my house are nothing but a nuisance. Wonder when will that baby crow grow? Waiting for that day to arrive. A good thing crows aren't as big as ostriches. Some smart guy once said the emus of Australia is capable of tearing open a live pig's stomach. Scary huh? That guy.

Of crows and butterflies

2005-05-28T16:22:00.000+08:00

I have seen a crow's nest. And I am still seeing it. It's just outside my house. Maybe I look like a crook to the crows I don't know, but each time I go out to take a fag, they'll fly low to intimidate me. I have to agree, I do get intimidated at times, oh no, not of them, of their droppings. The strange thing is, none of my other housemates seem to experience this. But whatever it is, to me they seem like very clever creatures, nasty but intelligent.
And the butterflies are back too. Not those huge ones, little ones, pretty ones too. How long they'll stay, I don't know. I am already running a test. Slow and steady this time. Shall I emerge victorious? What you think? Hehehe.

Who wanted it more?

2005-05-26T13:00:00.000+08:00

So here we are again. After the long and twisting road to the final there's only two teams left standing in the European Cup. Together they've lifted the cup 10 times, so their pedigree is certainly unquestionable.

Liverpool had definitely mastered defensive football in Europe; with Jamie Carragher at his best; they had even managed to beat the favourites, Chelsea and Juventus. And that shocked many. Rafa was instantly recognized a genius, a man who knows how to play in Europe. But he was the least troubled with all the media attention, victory seemed more important.

Milan, with an assembly of great young and old talents was definitely the bookies favourite. Nevermind, their league position and the match against PSV; we all know how irresistible they can be when they are hitting form. Some say, the Milan players are tired and will play badly on the day.

A dull match was predicted. Milan is playing to win, with Liverpool as underdogs.

Players (Milan): Crespo (doubtful initially) was paired with Sheva. Pirlo, Gattuso and Kaka in the middle. Maldini (captain) anchored the defence together with Stam, Nesta and Cafu. And Nelson Dida between the posts. Impressive side.
Substitutes: Tomasson for Crespo, Serginho for Seedorf, and Rui Costa for Gattuso (in ET).

Players (Liverpool): Baros with Kewell? (a shocker by Rafa, this guy hasn't been playing competitive football in ages). Stevie G (captain), Riise, Alonso, and Garcia in the centre. Traore, Finnan (both their weakest link), Carragher, and Hypia in front of Dudek. An offensive approach.
Substitutes: Smicer for a limping Kewell, Hamann for Finnan (Riise went down) and Cisse for Baros.

Goals/Shots on Goal (Milan): Maldini (hasn't scored in 11 yrs) netting in a free-kick taken by Pirlo from the right side of the Liverpool box. 1-0.
Kaka's header from a corner was saved by Garcia on the line.
Kaka after his rampaging run in the centre, played a superbly timed through ball to Sheva, which he slotted in. Unfortunately it was offside, by a foot or so.
Sheva positioning himself well found the long pass by Pirlo, but was soon muscled down by a chasing Traore. No penalty.
Starting from a blunder in AC's box, the ball somehow went to Kaka, who cleverly passed it to the right, where Sheva was running. But it was difficult for him, even for the European Player of the Yr to score from that tight angle. Instead of trying himself, he laid the ball down to Crespo, who eventually tapped it in into the opponent's net. 2-0.
Kaka twisting and breaking away from the Liverpool midfielders played yet another superb through pass, this time the ball found Crespo, who effortlessly lifted the ball pass Dudek. 3-0. And Ancelotti thought it was over.
2nd half. Sheva's shot found Traore, goal denied.
And in ET, a great double-save by Dudek first from Sheva's bullet header, then his hand pushing out Sheva's rebound kick. Dudek was looking very sharp. And that was bad news for Milan.

Goals/Shots on Goal (Liverpool): Their first half was rubbish. Milan's 6 minutes of madness. It started in the 54th min, when Gerrard headed a wonderful cross from Riise.
Soon after, Smicer the substitute drove the ball in from outside the Milan box. Dida, managed to touch the ball, but it wasnt enough. And the score became 2-3.
Then, a controversial penalty at least from my point of view. Gerrard dived. Alonso took the kick, saved by Dida, but Alonso redeemed himself with the rebound. 3-3. That's about it. Liverpool seemed to me was playing for a penalty shoot-out (conveniently they call it defensive football).

Penalty shoot-out: I don't believe in them. But Dudek was good. Liverpool's hero. 3-2 they won in the shoot-out.

Man of the match (to me): Kaka

Liverpool was crowned the 50th European champion in Attaturk Stadium. Their 5th victory, no style (from the winners, of course) but still a memorable final. The Merseysiders do not deserve it, and with addition of them finishing 5th in EPL I don't think they should be allowed to play in CL next season.

CL- best 11

2005-05-25T15:13:00.000+08:00

Players chosen not based on post-match reports but based on observation during the CL matches (from 2nd round).

Goalkeeper - Gigi Buffon. Extremely brave and agile. Undoubtedly the best in the game, Cech comes in close.
Centreback - Jamie Carragher. Was mighty impressive against Juventus and Chelsea. Who needs Terry or Campbell?
Centreback - Jaap Stam. I am a fan. MU's greatest loss, extremely reliable. Good in air.
Left-back - YP Lee. Tenacious and creative, an Asian gem. JS Park is good but this guy's better.
Right-back - Gianluca Zambrotta. Killer pace, killer crosses. Actually can play both sides. Tho' u see him playing in the left more.
Centre - Ronaldinho. Exciting. An absolute genius. Capable of scoring unthinkable goals.
Centre - Kaka. Creative, and unpredictable. Young but not temperemental.
Left-midfield - Damien Duff. Superb player. First noticed his immense talent when he played against Germany in World Cup 2002.
Right-midfield - Van Bommel. Hard-working and consistent. An inspirational captain. Can become the fifth defender.
Striker - Andriy Shevchenko. A skillful and fast forward. Finishes well. Good in air.
Striker - Samuel Eto'o. Would partner well with Sheva. Is not a bad striker himself.

Tomm. early morning match: Milan - Liverpool (2-0). But Milan must not play cautious football.

Education

2005-05-05T11:30:00.000+08:00

Education in Malaysia is an on-going effort towards further developing the potential of individuals in a holistic and integrated manner, to produce individuals who are intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and physically balanced and harmonious, based on a firm belief in and devotion to God. Such an effort is designed to produce Malaysian citizens who are knowledgeable and competent, who possess high moral standards, and who are responsible and capable of achieving high levels of personal well-being as well as being able to contribute to the harmony and betterment of the family, the society and the nation at large. - Education in Malaysia

Unfortunately, we no longer produce these students. Our focus now is entirely different; we want to mass produce straight A's scoring students instead of creating a balanced individual. We all now, compete to be the best, to outperform our peers. We want rewards, or more accurately, we want to be rewarded. Our favourite chant in recent times must definitely be, I don't give a shit. We have become selfish, nothing's more important to us than us, and our personal achievements. And we are not creative anymore, we are rather narrow-minded though we may appear to be more liberal in our thinking. Most importantly, we failed to look at the bigger picture. Consequently, societies crumble. And families become disintegrated.

A competitive attitude will almost certainly create an analytical student, no doubt, but are they what we are looking for here? Do we want an analytical or a creative person? Do we want a critic or a problem solver? In my humble opinion, I feel a balanced mind is needed to be creative, to be able to judge and launch an efficient society.

Academic freedom allows our mental faculties to grow. Bureaucracy, grading system, grades - should never be allowed to hamper our thought process. Through education an educator seeks to transfer his/her knowledge to a student. A true educator doesn't advocate on grades. Yes, you may ask: without exams, how can a student be evaluated? My point is, we have become so obsessed with the whole exam system and format, we often forget what education is all about: regardless of primary, secondary or tertiary education. Learning is a life-long continous process. It doesn't end after we graduate or obtain our PhD.

Our industries are not helping either. They only want top-scorers, failing to look at other qualities of a graduate student. Very superficial thinking I must say! And this forces the students to question the education system,: has it failed to mould me to suit the industry? Why then did I waste a good 15 years to study, to gain this so called knowledge? Why was he chosen not me? What prompted the employer to select him? Simple, he has 17A's and I have none.

Adapting to a situation, giving and contributing to the society, solving problems, innovating, creating; not critizing the system/institution, not being self-centred, not being non-ethical - that's education. Not grades.

My fav. Kamal movies

2005-04-25T16:09:00.000+08:00

He is the main reason I am still watching Tamil movies. They say he is an acting genius. I say he makes movie watching a much pleasurable experience...bordering orgasm, maybe?

You cry when he cries, you laugh when he laughs. Unlike the case with the others (a few exception), where the opposite is true.

My views might slightly be skewed. Thus I may have appeared to exaggerate a little, above...hehe, can't help it. In ascending order, my favourite (plot + acting) of his movies:

1. Varumayin niram sivappu - Pre anbe-sivam. Saw the rebel, the idealist.
2. Kurudhi punal - I preferred the terrorist over him. Freaky show, ppl.
3. Sathi leelavathi - Situational comedy. Like that of Lock,stock and two smoking barrels.
4. Salangai oli - Life of a failed bharathanatyam dancer.
5. Nayagan - Wanting to emulate his idol, Brando; was he successful? Perhaps, u judge.
6. Thevar magan - Probably the grandest Tamil movie ever made. U might want to argue with my choice of words here, i.e: the grandest? I have my reasons.
7. Anbe sivam - Again the idealist, the communist this time.
8. Mahanadhi - Great plot. Life of a decent, gullible, cheated man.
9. Moondram pirai - Superb acting. Both. Excellent love story. I am a sucker for romantic flicks. Beautiful. Poignant. Classic.

Lost and never found...

2005-04-22T16:25:00.000+08:00

Love. When two individuals pledge to stay together till death tears them apart, and one party betrays the other, a vacuum is created; an empty space void of all feelings, emotions, and life.

When such calamity befalls the unlucky party, he/she falls deep in a well and refuse to come out from it till death plucks life from his/her lifeless body. Its a choice actually, a choice taken to stay away from the limelight, away from the normalcy of the daily activities. Thus great philosophers, alcoholics, artists, playwrights are born.

I wouldn't even want to imagine the threshold of pain and disappointment such a person has to go through. Distrust and dishonesty - qualities that I reject and despise greatly; a person that can't keep to his/her pledge I would gladly label as being dishonest. What happens to the integrity of a promise when it is broken? Imagine that. I think, it's a despicable act- breaking promises.

To conclude, I will say to escape from all this, love no one but yourself...hehehe. That was a joke, a bad one but still a joke. But seriously, I'd say, don't promise if you can't deliver.

Just look at Cheenu. Whose love's lost and never found.

Moondram Pirai

2005-04-19T14:03:00.000+08:00

Unn per enna? *Chukles*...Cheenu, Seenivasan. Irandu per aa? *Pauses*..Ithule ethavathu, onnu kuppita pothum. Cheeenuu..:)
- Seenivasan answering Viji.

The year Moondram Pirai was made: 1983. The year i watched it: 2005. Reputed to be one of the best movies ever made in Indian cinema. I am in complete agreement with the statement.

There were so many great memorable lines in this movie, choosing just a few to begin with, became such an arduous task; These lines, they were constantly filled with a sincere childlike ignorance and bluntness. You can say, the language used is very simple, but not too shallow to insult an adult viewer.

The outstanding visuals vividly expose and capture the intensity of its actors in almost every frame. Remember, the English Patient? The experience, somehow similar.

In a movie bereft of artificiality and fakeness such as this, the storyteller's sincerity in narrating is very apparent. And any story, told in greatest sincerity is worth listening. In fact, every aspect of the movie celebrates poignancy. With absolutely no unneccessary scenes, the movie finishes faster than most Indian movies but not less effective in conveying the actual content and plot to the audience.

I will watch it again, definitely. But why this post? Good things are best shared. I thought it'd be nice if I could share the feelings it created in words. Maybe I failed to express the idea clearly, I wouldn't know, but do know I only have positive things to say about this movie. To sum things up, I will simply say, this is my favourite Tamil movie.

Viji and Cheenu

A no name entry

2005-04-11T18:15:00.000+08:00

Talent's a curse; perseverance a virtue.

One would ignorantly claim that all talented people are destined for success. The talented feel otherwise. Not that they wish not to be called a genius, or a star. It's just that this claim they feel is not entirely true.

I observe and execute. I don't immitate, I innovate. I am not an expert in many ways; but I am durable. Recyle, reuse, and redo - that's my motto, I work and work and work over and over again to acquire/master a technique. Surely, it takes time, but perseverance is one of my better virtue.

I may be branded as being arrogant for writing that last paragraph. It's all full of I's and myself. But I had a clear objective, to bring out to light my personal style. So, in any case, if a decision or an act undertaken by me turns out bad, the fault can be entirely mine. And the inspiration entirely opposite.

Remembering Shawshank

2005-03-13T14:45:00.000+08:00

I say, it is the mother of all movies. Simply put, it is an extraordinary tale on friendship and hope. Had been using that line for more than 7 years to promote Shawshank to the uninitiated. So far, everyone seems to be enjoying it, from scholars to average Joes like me. Somewhere this time last year, I watched it again (probably for the 8th time); the thought of it suddenly, reminded me to highlight Shawshank's greatness in this blog.

Andy and Red

Red: And that's how it came to pass, that on the second-to-last day of the job, the convict crew that tarred the plate factory roof in the spring of '49 wound up sitting in a row at ten o'clock in the morning, drinking icy cold Bohemia style beer, courtesy of the hardest screw that ever walked a turn at Shawshank State Prison...The colossal prick even managed to sound magnanimous. We sat and drank with the sun on our shoulders and felt like free men. Hell, we could have been tarring the roof of one of our own houses. We were the Lords of all Creation. As for Andy, he spent that break hunkered in the shade, a strange little smile on his face, watching us drink his beer...You could argue he'd done it to curry favor with the guards, or maybe make a few friends among us cons. Me, I think he did it just to feel normal again, if only for a short while. (Movie Monologues)

Of what Marx thought on India

2005-03-13T12:01:00.000+08:00

Now, sickening as it must be to human feeling to witness those myriads of industrious patriarchal and inoffensive social organizations disorganized and dissolved into their units, thrown into a sea of woes (referring to the British), and their individual members losing at the same time their ancient form of civilization, and their hereditary means of subsistence, we must not forget that these idyllic village-communities, inoffensive though they may appear, had always been the solid foundation of Oriental despotism, that they restrained the human mind within the smallest possible compass, making it the unresisting tool of superstition, enslaving it beneath traditional rules, depriving it of all grandeur and historical energies. We must not forget the barbarian egotism (referring to the natives, the Indians) which, concentrating on some miserable patch of land, had quietly witnessed the ruin of empires, the perpetration of unspeakable cruelties, the massacre of the population of large towns, with no other consideration bestowed upon them than on natural events, itself the helpless prey of any aggressor who deigned to notice it at all. We must not forget that this undignified, stagnatory, and vegetative life, that this passive sort of existence evoked on the other part, in contradistinction, wild, aimless, unbounded forces of destruction and rendered murder itself a religious rite in Hindostan. We must not forget that these little communities were contaminated by distinctions of caste and by slavery, that they subjugated man to external circumstances instead of elevating man the sovereign of circumstances, that they transformed a self-developing social state into never changing natural destiny. - Karl Marx: The British Rule in India, New-York Herald Tribune 1853

Allowing no social mobility, even when the individual is capable? What a ruthless society this is? Even the thought of it can prove to be so fatalistic in nature. The British meanwhile, had not done anything useful to tackle the social injustices tactfully. To be honest, they have used the divide and conquer strategy to their advantage to falsely claim superiority over the natives.

I sincerely hope, all these shit, (yes shit) can be completely removed from the minds of the natives at least during our children's children time.

Back

2005-02-14T16:51:00.000+08:00

Valentine is. To me, however it doesn't represent anything. Why do lovers need a day to celebrate their love?

Does this qualify? Love all, serve all.

Maybe I am missing something here.

How shall it end?

2005-02-04T14:22:00.000+08:00

I send you a cream-white rosebud with a flush upon its petal tips;...... - John Boyle O'Reilly

Regardless (of the end), it did inspire me to write something here today. The thought of it, of that beautiful flower, is so refreshing. AND it's image so clear. BUT nothing's free-flowing; as I am feeling more disturbed than inspired by an incident which is fulfiling and not right at the same time.

Perharps the feelings are linked...this not so right thing, and the feeling before. What I hope for at the moment is not so important. What I am experiencing is more important. And what exactly is that? That's what I have been telling all these while, that I am not too clear myself...

Now put yourself in this situation (Under the Bridge: RHCP). No ganja, just loneliness -

Under the bridge downtown I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown I gave my life away

Did I really forget? Or was it all a well-staged drama? Hehehehe...

Maybe I should see a psychiatrist.

Of Utopian

2005-02-02T16:42:00.000+08:00

They attack every principle of existing society. Hence, they are full of the most valuable materials for the enlightenment of the working class. The practical measures proposed in them — such as the abolition of the distinction between town and country, of the family, of the carrying on of industries for the account of private individuals, and of the wage system, the proclamation of social harmony, the conversion of the function of the state into a more superintendence of production — all these proposals point solely to the disappearance of class antagonisms which were, at that time, only just cropping up, and which, in these publications, are recognised in their earliest indistinct and undefined forms only. These proposals, therefore, are of a purely Utopian character. - Communist Manifesto, Chapter 3

Heart-ache

2005-02-01T11:11:00.001+08:00

Too much thinking is certainly no good for the heart. Don't ask too many "what if" questions..what if your heart stops in that process? - written out of context, hence the difference in font-style.

Parting's the cause. Not partying. And my heart weeps like a girl due to it. How much pain can it withstand? Wait...not pain, sadness. How much sadness can it withstand? Too unfortunate, sadness can't be measured. It can only be expressed. I think, black is an appropriate representation.

With a hand holding my chin, I look up, wondering, what went wrong. AND why are people always looking up when they are seeking for answers? A Higher Being, they say is above us. I don't doubt that. But at times, He is nothing but a Sadist.

At other times, He is a Healer. Through a creation of His, actually: Time.

2005

2005-01-24T11:02:00.000+08:00

Ushering a little late...but better late, than never.

1. WE age faster when we lose the childlike enthusiasm in us.
2. Certain things are better kept to ourselves.
3. Some things about ourselves never change.
4. Cursing is good, but not in public.
5. SOME movies make us dumber, NOT all.
6. But some things about us, we need to change.
7. Smoking is not good, seriously, but....
8. DON'T stop thinking.
10. DON'T over-analyze things.
9. Football at 2am with a few cans of beer, priceless.

Tsunami help

2004-12-31T11:38:00.000+08:00

To those who want to know more. And help.

Life's unfair..

2004-12-21T13:31:00.000+08:00

Yeah, you guessed it. Another meeting. Something happened again. Still God had greater plans...*sigh* Defeated me, totally..........*mind shifts to a semi-dormant mode*.

*Still there, lost*..lost appetite, lost sleep, only the strike against Gilette remains...

Balance

2004-12-16T16:29:00.000+08:00

God does not play dice with the universe. - Einstein

Science is not at odds with religion. It is just too young to understand religion. These two lines somehow contradict my earlier statement on the subject matter, "Religion begins where science fails".

Why suddenly? Equations. They satisfy everything. Einstein was right: How could the Brightest among the Brightest, gamble on His pet project?

These equations, do they deny God? NO. No force is greater.

The idea of A Greater Being is so deeply rooted in all our systems, we are so scared to let it go.

Should we question our faith, first of all? Why not? I have gone through that phase, and no, that wasn't a distasteful period in my life. Just a normal one, with a lot of pondering.

Anyway, why do I believe in Existence? I haven't seen anything; no miraculuos act whatsoever. Yet, I am adamant.

I feel, so I believe. The more I think, the stronger these feelings become. That Ultimate Truth: nothing can reject His unconditional love.

How bizarre

2004-12-07T17:58:00.000+08:00

I dreamt. Both were there. Like in real life. So real, so precise. Maybe I had been thinking too much. Seriously, I think too much at times. Where I saw a future that I disliked. So, I got rid of it. But I was reminded again; saw glimpses of the future that I might have missed. No. I am not sad. It's not that great anway. In fact, I am working hard not to meet that sort of future in the near future.

Blue is the path,
Red is the light that is shining on it,
Black is the shadow falling,
White is the reflection,
Which keeps on calling.

Soft is the music,
That fills the blue path,
Which keeps on playing.

Stern is the voice,
That came upon,
Which keeps on ringing,
Move on.

Beautiful English words

2004-12-01T11:56:00.000+08:00

British Council conducted a survey to find out the language's 70 most beautiful words. Mother, apparently, is the most beautiful word, followed by passion and smile. For more, read here.

My top ten list would be:
1. Sunshine
2. Simple
3. Nothing
4. Spirit
5. Eternity
6. Dreaming
7. Rhapsody
8. Deep
9. Blanket
10. Clouds

This or that?

2004-11-26T13:50:00.000+08:00

Pink or blue? 6 or 7? Simple or complex? Bollocks or facts? Hell or heaven? Angels or demons? OR Gods or ghouls? Earth or paradise? Truth or bullshit? Deep or straightforward? 1 or 9? Blood red or crap green?

Have you made your picks. Remember your answers. Now write an essay on your favourite sports personality in less than 300 words using a blue ball point pen. To ensure its error-free check your work at least 6 times. Get straight to the point, and forget facts. This is a fiction, so you are allowed to bullshit. But remember, no copying. Otherwise, you'll burn and rot in hell. eh..sorry God bless all.

Songs that tell stories....

2004-11-09T10:22:00.000+08:00

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose....you're everything.

(You and I)We were out on a date in my daddy's car.
We hadn't driven very far.
There in the road, up straight ahead.
A car was stalled, the engine was dead.
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right.
I'll never forget the sound that night.
The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass.
The painful scream that I heard last.

Tonight I’m tangled in my blanket of clouds....
Dreaming aloud.
Things just won’t do without you, matter of fact.
I’m on your back, I’m on your back, I’m on your back.
I cannot be without you, matter of fact.
I’m on your back, I’m on your back, I’m on your back.

Beautiful. Tragic. Sad. Makes me wonder if all great love stories end up this way.

Perfection

2004-10-27T17:21:00.000+08:00

Ambrosia, the drink of Gods. That's perfection. The taste is perfection. But who among us, the mere mortals can rightfully claim to have had it tasted?

The idea is unfathomable, I know. Imagine telling the blind how white the milk is. But perfection exists, in everyone of us. In the deepest hearts of the sincerest men, it shines more radiantly.

What shapes it? What gives it life? Us? That's foolish. The life-giving source, I assume then must be something so vast in greatness, the explanation seems unneccesary. [What did I tell you about about assumption. It is the brother of all f**k-ups - Lock, stock and two smoking barrels]

O! Brownie, where art thou?

Brownie; the little brain cell that was assigned with the job of steering ideas had somehow lost its course, which disrupted the thought process in my head. AND, he is conveniently blaming it on the assumption I made earlier.

You may demand for a title change: A mind teaser. OR maybe a f**k up.

p.s: the author made some changes to the 2nd last paragraph....perfectionist?!?!

Hmmm...

2004-10-25T08:26:00.000+08:00

A rule of thumb - The ball's round.

Arsenal lost. To MU. 2-0 was the score.

The "Legendary" Mike Riley

p.s: Mike Riley had always been an ass. This time wasn't an exception.

Links

2004-10-23T10:55:00.000+08:00

1. The electric experience - It's not voltage that kills, it's current!" Issit true? Current flows, but it doesn't move on its own, voltage motivates it. How?

2. The oxygen theory - What does the increase or decline in atmospheric oxyegen level do to the physiology of animals? This theory has often been associated with the extinction of dinosaurs.

3. The greatest player - in football? UNQUESTIONABLY it is Diego Maradona. Read on his most famous goal, considered to be the best in World Cup history here. Pic attached.

4. The principles of communism - what does a believer like me doing following these atheistic principles? Two words: ethics and equality.

Aurora

2004-10-22T16:58:00.000+08:00

Aurora probably is one of Earth's often most forgotten Offspring. She (Earth) gets pregnated when the wind seed from Sun is placed deep inside Her magnetic field. Child birth occurs almost immediately after conception for the mother's womb couldn't contain the hot and fiery seminal fluid very long. Usually the Offspring is brought into this world in a hurried manner; as a result, the Offspring is often born lame and dies fast - usually 15 to 40 minutes after being born. Often born? Yes. Conception happens rather frequently too, and may recur every 2-3 hours.

But there's beauty in chaos: the hurried childbirth. For the limited few:the original appreciaters, an unknown force drags their feets to the places of labour, for them to witness the Divine childbirth. AND these devotees turned witnesses have deified this Offspring too- Aurora Borealis in the north and Aurora Australis in the South.

One such devotee dedicated this site to Her. Read to know more.

Of character

2004-10-21T11:05:00.000+08:00

Every man has three characters: That which he exhibits, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has. - Alphonse Karr

That which he exhibits: How the world perceives you? WORLD: family, friends, workmates, bloggers, they all look at you differently. The degree of variation of all these public persona(s), however, isn't extremely great, in my opinion.

That which he thinks he has: Our perception. Age and experience alters it.

That which he has: The real nature. The one constant thing abt us. I would love to believe, our ultimate goal in life is to match the perceived self to the real nature. [Ref: self-actualization: which is the pinnacle in Abraham Maslow's pyramid of needs]. This is important so that the existence of an alternate/ alter ego (Maaya) can be suppressed....which is the most important knowledege (Jnaanam).

My journey to explore the inner universe (you may call it a spiritual journey) hasn't really begun. And again I impose the same question upon the readers: are you a believer?

Rationality vs Abstract Thoughts

2004-10-13T14:46:00.000+08:00

The last few days, I had been experiencing frequent memory lapses, forgetting things unintentionally; the impulsive ones might even say it's selective amnesia. I do not know for sure what is the cause for this sudden strange mental outlook change. No I don't want to speculate, early conclusions will prove fatal.

But when one mental faculty collapses, other brain functions improve. The apparent pitholes formed by these memory lapses were compensated thru creation of more focused thoughts. And there was a sudden urge to know and to question the essence. So:

Memory lapses: reasons unknown; but stimulated rational thinking and spiritual thirst.

A question: can logic and religion unite?

This has got nothing to do with one's faith or principles for that matter. Somewhere previously, I wrote, religion begins where science fails. Many believe otherwise.

Another question: can abstract thoughts be explained logically?

An analogy here, can love be explained using mathematics. This statement doesnt mean I am being biased. Just adding a scope.

Third question: if the previous question was a yes, is religion just another form or mental displayal of escapism?

I know I shouldn't narrow down abstract thoughts to the context of spirituality or religion, it's not fair you might wanna argue. But let's just say spirituality is the mother of all abstract thoughts.

Last one: so are you a believer?

Hehe.

Chaos and Order (II)

2004-10-06T11:45:00.000+08:00

The flapping of a single butterfly's wing today produces a tiny change in the state of the atmosphere. Over a period of time, what the atmosphere actually does diverges from what it would have done. So, in a month's time, a tornado that would have devastated the Indonesian coast doesn't happen. Or maybe one that wasn't going to happen, does.

-Ian Stewart, Does God Play Dice? The Mathematics of Chaos, pg. 141

CHAOS, with reference to above, refers to an apparent lack of ORDER in a system that nevertheless obeys particular laws or rules. However, unlike the butterfly effect, I cant seem to find any theory(ies) explaining order. The closest I got by Googling is this:

Order theory is achieved by specifying properties that a relation must have to be of a mathematical order(like smaller, bigger, equals to, ascending, descending order etc). This abstract approach makes sense, because one can derive numerous theorems in the general setting, without focusing on the details of any particular order. These insights can then be readily transferred to many concrete applications.

-Author unknown.

Chaos and Order

2004-10-04T16:50:00.000+08:00

Order is important to organize the unpredictable behaviour of events(chaos); and chaos is introduced to break the monotony of events. Life I believe is somewhere between those two, chaos being an extreme of the spectrum and order the other extreme.

-Got this from Books of Magic. The lines have been altered slightly to match the current mental condition of the author.

Artificial Mist

2004-10-01T10:38:00.000+08:00

Over the past few years, Indonesia had created more scientists than the world can possibly imagine. From Acheh, Palembang to Surabaya and Pontianak, these meteorogical experts had succesfully induced artificial mist to alter the current atmospheric properties and conditions. An unnamed family planning expert was saying this step can be crucial to ensure the world population is kept in check; mainly because the artifical mist lowers the performance of human's cardiovascular and respiratory system. He went on adding, the widespread of avian influenza can also be monitored systematically. Of course, the validity of this latter statement is very much doubted; the guy is a family planner not an ornithologist.

Ali, Ah Chong and Muthu: residents of a small town in northern Malaysia, believe however these Indonesians aren't scientists but black magic practitioners. They claim the mist is capable of swallowing mountains and hills. It seems the one in front of their houses was swallowed in a night!! And lucky us, this process is not eternal, the hill will be returned to its original position after sometime. How long this "sometime" will be wasn't defined.

Fog off, Indonesia, we too can do it.

A group of farmers here in Kedah, in a desperate attempt to match the research abilites of their counterparts had almost accomplished the impossible by burning paddy husks in their sawah(local word for paddy field). The succesful act caught the attention of onlookers who were actually passing through the mist. However, the "awe-struck onlookers'" joy were not long as they were unfortunately involved in a massive multiple vehicle pile up.

"We are working on the techniques. Perfecting it is a bit diffult," an arrested farmer was waving to us and saying. It was an emotional sight. He still managed to utter Malaysia Boleh! Malaysia Boleh! before the cops put him in their car. Our eyes were filled with tears. Hopefully his act will pave the way for the other aspiring Malysian researchers wishing to excel in this field.

From Ura Nihon..............

2004-09-23T09:26:00.000+08:00

"Money? I am broke. But money has no value. To live is the value. I eat what I grow. You can live without money - and I am proving it."

"Yes, I will protect the traditions, if they're right."

....With love,
Someone.

BUT the fool had to ask: what's living?

Sidebar updated again:
New members - Kameeni, Sara

Coming soon: Tepeng.

Sidebar Updated n something else.

2004-09-21T17:43:00.000+08:00

Superbar is the newest addition to my sidebar. The guitarist, Mr. Bala is a friend of mine.

Can peace make it in Northern Ireland? With UK losing interest and Ireland showing greater attention to Ulster(N.Ireland) I suppose, the answer is yes. But the actual situation is more complicated than this. The catholics(nationalists) say they are different from the catholics in Ireland and the protestants (loyalists)say they are different from the ones in UK. And the confrontation doesnt seem to end soon.
So how? Maybe a separate country? Think its necessary for me to quote someone here.

That someone said: war is not abt whos right, its abt whos left

Enough said. AND also don't forget to check out Superbar.

Bala's superbar

2004-09-10T16:46:00.000+08:00

Rocker bub: Bala machan's Superbar. Listen to Dreams. It rocks baby, it rocks. Reminds me of Evening News.

Man and Moon

2004-09-08T16:43:00.000+08:00

One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
-Neil Armstrong, July 20, 1969

Was he really on moon?

Or was is all a big hoax? The most expensive movie ever made?
Non-believers's think it is all part of a well-devised political game strategized by the Americans to counter-act the Russians' move in space exploration since Yuri Gagarin made it 13 years earlier.

What is the Van Allen belt? AND How is it possible for manned space flights to survive the effects of the Van Allen Radiation Belt?

Another link: but this one here is suggesting, man has indeed landed on moon.

I do believe they have landed. But anything is possible. Be ur own judge.

Goddess of small things

2004-08-30T15:38:00.000+08:00

Call me a crack pot, but I think Arundhati Roy is a major babe...hehe.

Arundhati Roy: The writer, the activist, the babe.

Horan the Clown

2004-08-30T11:27:00.000+08:00

Goodness me!! The stuff these clowns do these days, completely unthinkable. I am at loss for words. Read this, u'll know what I mean. Hint: Olympics.

A beautiful language

2004-08-26T16:47:00.000+08:00

Udal manukku uyir Tamilukku

Better late than never. This is a great article on Tamil. And this one here, traces it's roots.

Ohh yeah

2004-08-23T14:20:00.000+08:00

Quote of the day:
God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

Is/was ur flame/ex-flame a high-maintenance chick? Mine was maybe still is, who cares neway....:)

Springtime Yellow

2004-08-20T12:25:00.000+08:00

Classic beauty, don't u think? This was what I meant yesterday.

Mustang '67: Springtime Yellow

Mustang '67

2004-08-19T15:21:00.000+08:00

A real piece of work. Tho' I would have preferred a Springtime Yellow.

Mustang '67

There was too much confusion

2004-08-17T15:15:00.000+08:00

To begin with, the whole thing sorta happened a few years back, 8 years ago, and if I can properly recall during a school camp. I was more like a camp committee than a participant, and this enabled me to move here and there without much issues, compared to my fellow friends.

On the second evening there, we prepared for a medium scale BBQ party for all, participants and committee alike. It was raining rather heavily at that time, and my body was aching all over after a hard day at work, so I wanted a short nap very badly. Very fortunately too, I was allowed to go for a break.

And, so there I was heading happily towards an unlocked classroom which was quite far away from that BBQ place.

I arranged a few desks in that unusually quiet classroom, to lay my body. I rested for less than a few minutes, grew extremely uncomfortable with the peculiar sleeping position on that hard surface, and thus decided to abandon the whole idea of napping altogether. But I was still very tired, and my eyes were not even fully opened.

In that semi-awakened state, I saw a strange floating object, glued to a plant, a few yards from where I was standing. The raindrops made it appear blurry. Whatever that thing was, it wanted to play hide and seek with me. That thing was like a failing light, one moment there, the other moment not. Which wasnt the most comforting experience I would say. Fear took over, heart started pounding faster, limbs failed, but proudly can I say my pants wasnt messed.

I mean, what would a normal rational person do in that situation. I wasnt very sure myself, if that thing that I just saw was even real. For all u know, it was prolly just my mind playing a dumb trick. Perhaps. I had no intentions watsover to disrupt ITs energy field, and very much hoped the feeling was mutual.

I left the place without much thought, after realizing I could move again. Didnt talk abt it to anyone, coz I wasn't sure what was that. Not then. Not now. There was just too much confusion.

The Marriage of Figaro

2004-08-16T11:58:00.002+08:00

I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't wanna know. Some things are best left unsaid. I like to think they were singing about something so beautiful it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man at Shawshank felt free.
- Red, The Shawshank Redemption

The song Red was referring to here is The Marriage of Figaro composed by Mozart. Clearly, I too have no idea what those Italian ladies were saying, but the music is so beautiful, the interpretation seemed unnecessary. Whatever the meaning maybe, the song made me very very happy. And the best part is, this kinda music always stays, breathing in and out together with me whenever I wished.

Dazed and confused

2004-08-12T18:03:00.000+08:00

Actually I'm feelin' kinda druggy kinda high rite now. Slept late last night, got up early....last time I did this stunt was during the Euro football matches. AND that was like last month, and the month before. So u fellas may assume I have had the neccessary practice....well, I'm sorry to disappoint...hehe. I have yet to master that art: the art of staying awake w/o sleeping for a long time.

The songs that I am listening to right now, don't help much either. Some massive OD of Jimi's music, plus a few oldies like Freebird, Earth Angel, Cuban Pete, and I musnt disclose this Hindustani music by Ravi Shankar and Yehudi Menuhin too. The music ain't exactly slow instead it shows a greater tendency towards hastiness and is generously filled with instruments....hehehe, but I love it. At least my mood feels comforted.

BTW, Little Wing extended instrument version is superb.

Whoaaaa!!

2004-08-11T15:30:00.000+08:00

Cuthbert. The name is Elisha Cuthbert. AND words fail me here, words to describe her cuteness. Just look at her guys. Isn't she simply wonderful? Reminds me of Gwen Stacy...uh oh.

Going googoo gaga already?

Today's playlist:-
Dave Matthews Band - Crash Into Me
Verve Pipe - The Freshman
Ella Fitzgerald & Louie Armstrong - Cheek To Cheek
Jimi Hendrix - All Along The Watchtower
Elvis Presley - Blue Hawaii
Lynard Skynard - Freebird
Lauren Wood - Fallen
John Mayer - Any Given Thursday - My Stupid Mouth
The Temptations - Earth Angel
Lifehouse - Everything
Pearl Jam - Last Kiss
Coldplay - The Scientist
John Mayer - Love Song For No One
Nat King Cole - Love
Beach Boys - California Dreaming
Lifehouse - Sick Cycle Carousel

An Afternoon in Tokyo

2004-08-10T15:23:00.000+08:00

Bring it on Kumi boy...bring it on. Lemme crash ur naked body with my powerful bare hands. U wanted action rite boy, u will get it, yeah ah-ha, lotsa of it. N u better be prepared for now u will taste the wrath of the original sumo wrestler....nyaaaaahhhh.

Kumi boy: The distinguished opponent.

Round 1...ting ting ting

Unfortunately, due to some real unavoidable reasons, pictures of round 2 n 3 cant be included here. Somehow, our hero the original sumo wrestler twisted his left leg before falling and was forced to accept the painful truth that his moments of glory was over on that very instant. Meanwhile, the merciless opponent realizing our hero's weakening and helpless state quickly humped and finished him once n for all dashing any hopes of revival from him....hehehe. The END.

Unusual

2004-08-09T12:05:00.000+08:00

My not so usual playlist:

Elvis Presley - Are You Lonesome Tonight
The Beatles - Can't Buy Me Love
The Beatles - A Hard Day's Night
Dean Martin - On An Evening In Roma
Lifehouse - Everything
Lifehouse - Breathing
Lifehouse - Sick Cycle Carousel
Kylie Minogue - Love At First Sight
Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman - Something Stupid
Phantom Planet - Lonely Day
John Mayer - My Stupid Mouth
Bobby Darin - Splish Splash
Aerosmith - I Don't Want To Miss A Thing
The Wallflower - Heroes
Michael Jackson - Stranger in Moscow
The Cardigans - Lovefool
Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment
Deep Blue Something - Breakfast at Tiffany's
Michael Jackson - Man In The Mirror
Bruce Springsteen - Secret Garden
Bryan Adams - Summer Of '69
Eagle Eye Cherry - Long Way Around
Train - Drops Of Jupiter
Led Zeppelin - Stairway to heaven
Hoobastank - Crawling In The Dark

Matrix Persona

2004-08-04T16:01:00.001+08:00

You are Morpheus, from "The Matrix." You
have strong faith in yourself and those around
you. A true leader, you are relentless in your
persuit.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

An Evening in Roma - Dean Martin

2004-08-04T15:13:00.000+08:00

Come bella cella luna brille strette
strette come tutta bella a passeggiare
Sotto il cielo di Roma

Down each avenue or via, street or strada
You can see 'em disappearing two by two
On an evening in Roma
Do they take 'em for espresso
Yeah, I guess so
On each lover's arm a girl I wish I knew
On an evning in Roma

Though there's grining and mandolining in sunny Italy
The beginning has just begun when the sun goes down
So please meet me in the plaza near your casa
I am only one and one is one too few
On an evening in Roma

Don't know what the country's coming to
But in Rome do as the Romans do
Will you on an evening in Roma

(Though there's grining and mandolining in sunny Italy
The beginning has just begun when the sun goes down)

Come bella cella luna brille strette
strette come tutta bella a passeggiare
Sotto il cielo di Roma
Don't know what the country's coming to
But in Rome do as the Romans do
Will you on an evening in Roma
Sotto il cielo di Roma
On an evening in Roma

And XW, I forgot

2004-07-30T14:43:00.000+08:00

Today is XW's 21st bday and I forgot. Crap. Blaming it all on my arithmetics teacher and my stupid brain cells. Sorry dear.

Tho' my voice can't be heard and my face can't be seen, my sincere bday wishes I hope will travel across the vastness and finds u in great health.

I must say, in u I have found, a great friendship bounded by no rules and regularities which itself is a rarity. Indeed, in these past few days, I have learnt to know and reckon u as someone who is amazingly fun to be with. A great fren u are to me. So, it is only right if I return this extreme kindness of urs by at least wishing u all the best genuinely: All the best (from the deepest corners of my heart). Thanx for being nice to me all this while.

AND now that u have found a job befitting ur passion, I pray for ur talents to be known evrywhere. May u find fame in the four corners of earth, for ur dedication, talent and hardwork in filmmaking. May u progress daily in this line, and may God shower u with His graces. HAPPY BIRTHDAY XIAO WEN.
-Suthar

Happy Bday yaah, XW: Does this qualify as a gift?

The Beginning

2004-07-30T13:19:00.000+08:00

In place of the old bourgeois society, with its classes and class antagonisms, we shall have an association in which the free development of each is the condition for the free development of all.

The Communists disdain to conceal their views and aims. They openly declare that their ends can be attained only by the forcible overthrow of all existing social conditions. Let the ruling classes tremble at a communist revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win.
-Marx & Engels, The Communist Manifesto

I am an idealist, and will do my best to support the communist ideology till death tears me apart. I am not radical however like my fellow ches and comrades. But if the ruling society is adamant, coercion is a must: a revolution I mean is necessary. Let injustices be handled accordingly, and let there be happiness evrywhere. Let there be no competition, let there be no specialization, and let there be no more sufferings. Let the classes break and merge into a unit separated by nothing and liberate us all. Let us all hope. AND may we be blessed.

Che Guevara

2004-07-29T12:01:00.000+08:00

Man really attains the state of complete humanity when he produces, without being forced by physical need to sell himself as a commodity.
- Man and Socialism in Cuba

Real name ERNESTO GUEVARA (1928-67), Latin American guerrilla leader and revolutionary theorist, who became a hero to the New Left radicals of the 1960s.

Convinced that revolution was the only remedy for Latin America's social inequities, in 1954 he went to Mexico, where he joined exiled Cuban revolutionaries under Fidel Castro. A strong opponent of U.S. influence in the Third World, he helped guide the Castro regime on its leftward and pro-Communist path.

At heart a revolutionary rather than an administrator, he left Cuba in 1965 to foster revolutionary activity in other countries. In 1967, while directing a guerrilla movement in Bolivia, he was wounded in a clash with government troops, captured, and later executed.

Che teaches the lesson of hope and dedication. Throughout struggles with adversity, like his lifelong asthma, to the military campaigns in Guatemala, Cuba, the Congo and finally Bolivia, Che always kept his goal in front of him, he was ever optimistic and single-minded in his purpose. Che became a legend and an idol for the revolutionary- and even the merely discontented- youth of the later 1960s and early 70's a focus for the kind of desperate revolutionary action which seemed to millions of young people the only hope of destroying the world of bourgeois industrial capitalism.

Che: A true renaissance man

All Along the Watchtower

2004-07-27T11:45:00.000+08:00

"There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief,

"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth,
None of them along the line know what any of it is worth."

"No reason to get excited," the thief, he kindly spoke,

"There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate,
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late."

All along the watchtower, princes kept the view.
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.
Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl,
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl.

Jimi Hendrix: Electric Ladyland

Trance

2004-07-26T17:33:00.000+08:00

For a change I was listening to Trance today by Bruno Fergani. Got bored with the normal Rock stuff. Neway, I must admit it was quite nice. However, nothing beats All Along the Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix f. Bob Dylan. Best song ever.

The sand story

2004-07-23T16:45:00.002+08:00

Relationships--of all kinds--are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.
-Kaleel Jamison

I believe however, a great deal of balance need to be striked to not to hold the sand too tightly or too loosely. Too loose, you might earn the respect and freedom from the other person but love maybe lost. Thus in my opinion, a li'l bit of jealousy and possesiveness are always important in a relationship. How much is li'l and how much is a lot, is subjective. But for sure, its presence is significant.

Yakkai Thiri (My body the wick...)

2004-07-20T18:14:00.000+08:00

yaakkai thiri kaadhal sudar - anbae
jeevan nadhi kaadhal kadal - nenjae
piravi pizhai kaadhal thirutham - nenjae
irudhayam kal kaadhal sirpam - anbae
yaakai thiri kaadhal sudar............fanaah
- Vairamuthu

Translation:
My body the wick, your love the flame!
My soul the stream, your love the ocean!
My birth an error, your love the correction!
My heart the stone, your love the sculpture!
In this agonizingly ecstatic state of mind: Fanaah..........

Wooo Voodoo

2004-07-19T12:53:00.000+08:00

A voodoo practitioner is often consulted when individual passions such as love, hate or jealousy express themselves. Alternatively, the art may be dealt to a person whom a family member or the village community at large wishes to punish. The practitioner is able to induce in the victim a deep coma by brushing the zombie poison on the victim's skin until he starts to feel the effect. The body's vital signs are arrested to the point where the victim appears dead. The victim is now in the state of suspended animation.

Zombie Poison's Ingredients:
1. Zombie cucumber - A plant which causes hallucinogen and amnesia.
2. Mucuna pruriens - A plant with stinging hairs and also causes hallucinogen.
3. Puffer fish poison - This was a well-guarded secret. Also known as Fugu's poison. The scientific name is tetrodotoxin. For best effects get the liver, bones and the gonads of the fish. The Cuban puffer is slightly smaller than the Japanese Fugu. The witchdoctor's call it the toad fish. This is the most important ingredient. The poison causes one to enter a state of deep coma.

Right dosage is always important. Too little it won't work, and too much of it will send ur victim straight to the spiritual world. Be careful!! AND Remember this, even the most skilled witchdoctor will kill at least a minimum of 30 to 40 victims before raising an undead.

The Beautiful Gwen Stacy

2004-07-16T12:43:00.000+08:00

Loved by all, known by few, she was taken too soon. She will be missed. - Peter Parker.

Gwen Stacy: Virtually attractive. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Pretty. Stunning. No they aren't redundant. Mysterious. How can anyone, not adore her? Looking at her gives me the same kinda joy experienced by the prisoners at Shawshank when they were watching Rita Hayworth.

Nevermind she's gone, her memories still live one. hmmmmmmm....:)

One and many

2004-07-12T17:46:00.000+08:00

It is true that I am one self; but here I am known as legs, here I am known as nose, here I am known as eyes; that which the eyes can do the legs cannot do, what the nose can do the ears cannot do, and what the hands can do the eyes cannot do; although I am one I appear as many. But essentially I am one, there is this only one body.

Now let's look at a circle. In a circle, there is only one centre but many radii. These many radii are nothing but emanations from the same centre. From the standpoint of the circumference, there will be many such lines called radii, but again essentially there is only one, this one centre.

And now more importantly what does this one body and one centre represent. The believers' using their heart's thought call it the Soul. The non-believers using their logic and reasoning call it the Human Nature.

Me a believer.

Existensialism is a Humanism (I)

2004-07-10T10:53:00.000+08:00

Of human nature:

When we think of God as the creator, we are thinking of him, most of the time, as a supernal artisan. Whatever doctrine we may be considering, whether it be a doctrine like that of Descartes, or of Leibnitz himself, we always imply that the will follows, more or less, from the understanding or at least accompanies it, so that when God creates he knows precisely what he is creating. Thus, the conception of man in the mind of God is comparable to that of the paper-knife in the mind of the artisan: God makes man according to a procedure and a conception, exactly as the artisan manufactures a paper-knife, following a definition and a formula. Thus each individual man is the realisation of a certain conception which dwells in the divine understanding. In the philosophic atheism of the eighteenth century, the notion of God is suppressed, but not, for all that, the idea that essence is prior to existence; something of that idea we still find everywhere, in Diderot, in Voltaire and even in Kant. Man possesses a human nature; that “human nature,” which is the conception of human being, is found in every man; which means that each man is a particular example of a universal conception, the conception of Man. In Kant, this universality goes so far that the wild man of the woods, man in the state of nature and the bourgeois are all contained in the same definition and have the same fundamental qualities. Here again, the essence of man precedes that historic existence which we confront in experience.
- Jean-Paul Sarte.

I am not a supporter or a representative of this idea or Hobbes'(refer Utopian or Scientific dated 8th July 2002). I included them here, because I find them interesting, almost matching my beliefs. Now why did I say almost matching? On the surface, my beliefs and their philosophies may look the same but a greater study will yield I am interested in infinite elements unlike them, who base their writings on logic and tangible proofs.

Understanding infinity

2004-07-09T10:17:00.000+08:00

Sword cannot pierce Me
Fire cannot burn Me
Water cannot wet Me
Air cannot dry Me

Science derives conclusions acceptable by the mind. I believe however, there's something more than this Science alone; this something I name X. X begins where Science ends.

Science is the struggle in the outer universe; X is the struggle in the inside universe. Both struggles are great, no doubt, but one will end in failure and the other one will find success. Science is all about experiments, observations, inductions; Science is fundamentally a study of the finite elements and the finite bodies. Once the truth seekers realize, the knowledge they are getting out of Science is insufficient, they would turn to X; X being the study of the limitless entity.

The question then arises: how does a limited being understand something so vast, this something that we conveniently term infinite? The knowers claim, understanding infinity is easy, for it is the natural condition of all living beings. However, there is this great opposing force called delusion that makes us think otherwise. Once delusion is mastered, understanding infinity is easy.

Utopian or Scientific?

2004-07-08T17:20:00.000+08:00

On materialism:

If all human knowledge is furnished by the senses, then our concepts and ideas are but the phantoms, divested of their sensual forms, of the real world. Philosophy can but give names to these phantoms. One name may be applied to more than one of them. There may even be names of names. It would imply a contradiction if, on the one hand, we maintained that all ideas had their origin in the world of sensation, and, on the other, that a word was more than a word; that, besides the beings known to us by our senses, beings which are one and all individuals, there existed also beings of a general, not individual, nature. An unbodily substance is the same absurdity as an unbodily body. Body, being, substance, are but different terms for the same reality. It is impossible to separate thought from matter that thinks. This matter is the substratum of all changes going on in the world. The word infinite is meaningless, unless it states that our mind is capable of performing an endless process of addition. Only material things being perceptible to us, we cannot know anything about the existence of God. My own existence alone is certain. Every human passion is a mechanical movement, which has a beginning and an end. The objects of impulse are what we call good. Man is subject to the same laws as nature. Power and freedom are identical.
- Hobbes

"Favouritest" Hollywood movies: Last 20 yrs

2004-07-07T16:09:00.000+08:00

These are my favourites in ascending order:

10. US Marshalls - best action sequence I have seen: the one where Snipes jumps from the building to the train.

9. Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade - u know I wanted to become a history prof after watching this movie here.

8. Forrest Gump - Nice acting, good plot; it had a good blend of evrything.

7. Minority Report - Saw a very realistic future.

6. Last of The Mohicans - Good story.

5. When Harry met Sally - Best chick flick eva'.

4. Gladiator - Good acting + Epic (more a less) can never go wrong.

3. LOTR: Fellowship of The Ring - Very grand, and the adventures unlike it's sequels are very varied.

2. A Time to Kill - Very moving.

1. The Shawshank Redemption - A feel good movie. Best prison drama, even better than Escape from Alcatrez. My fav. movie of all time.

Dis' Life

2004-07-05T10:32:00.000+08:00

One meeting. Two things happened. But God had greater plans.

And yeah, Greece won. 1-0. Hail King Otto, as they say.

Euro 2004: My Prediction

2004-07-02T17:26:00.000+08:00

Generally, this time the tournament was not exciting like the last time. No flairy football, no outstanding player/players, etc. U'll know what I mean, if u had been watching the games.

Never thought Greece will come this far. They defeated Portugal, Spain, France and most surprisingly the Czech Republic in their march to the finals. They did a Rajinikanth I would say. Importantly, will they lift the cup?

Meanwhile, Portugal the hosts started off pretty badly. But they are united, and progressed consistently. Their last match was their best I would say. Figo's last big match I suppose. Anyway, can he lead his country to victory?

No one can definitely say they know the answers for the questions above. Really, football is a strange game. U'll never know who'll win and who'll lose. Whoever performs on the day, wins. So, we'll see what the end results will be this Monday morning, Malaysian time.

My prediction: Portugal winning. 2-1.

Tale of A Jealous Lover

2004-07-01T15:33:00.000+08:00

She was extraordinary, he was ordinary. She was popular, he wasn't. She was a dream girl, he was too plain. She had evrything, he had nothing. But he loved her so much; so much even the thought of parting seemed painful. He wanted her by his side all the time, from morning till evening and from dawn till dusk. Otherwise, his heart will ache so badly, he will allow his mind to sink to a level lower than the deepest pit imaginable to us. In that state, he derived extreme pleasures by hurting himself, usually by beating himself repeatitively.

The beating marks he hid well. Often by wearing thick clothes. Initially, she was under the impression that she was going out with the most romantic guy on this planet. But, how long can someone hide such great physical scars? She too loved him, but unlike him she was an ordinary lover.

She weeped like a 3 year old, when the inflictions were revealed. She couldn't understand the depth that would drive a man to do such things. He too didn't understand: this force's control which was ruling over him. But inevitably, she was deeply moved by this act and decided to stay with him as long as possible.

Happy moments those were in their lives. He was a love god and she was his firmest believer....until she was accused.

He came in straight like a diseased dog and slapped her hard a few times. So hard were his blows, her nose broke after the third slap. He wasnt even bothered to stop or ask. Then he brought her down and kicked her stomach a few times. Somewhere in between he caught hold of a mug and threw it at the room wall, almost immediately shattering it into a few small pieces. A small piece entered his left eye. He let out a painful scream, which was short-lived and without a break he resumed his beating: only this time it was harder. He used everything from his plastic chair, to his leather belt. The last remaining energy in her were long gone; surprisingly throughout this whole process, she never resisted, probably never had the chance. He then carried her effortlessly: first from the room, then to the hall, laid her down, said something to her, opened the apartment's door, carried her back again, charged towards the exit and plunged with their heads down first and found death together.

Bad words

2004-06-30T10:26:00.000+08:00

Rated: 18 sx. The contents can offend some. Pls skip if you think it's annoying. Bad words, a chronological order:

Std 1: Learnt my first words, the cbs and the lcs.

Std 3: Thought I knew all curse words, I was wrong. Realized this during a football game...when an opponent team member "lovingly" uttered a new word during the match. I asked my friend what it meant, who then started describing the human anatomy in great detail. I was amazed at his mastery over the delicate subject matter.

Std 5: There was one particular word. That year that word dominated my life. Whenever I uttered those words, I could feel an almost instantaneous reaction from the crowd shouting coherently "Wow, Suthar is so cool". Cursing was fun and cool back then.

Std 6: I was an honest scholar who wanted to learn Hokkien. A dream came true for me, when my fren taught me with equal devotion.

Form 1,2,3: My bad words prime years. Probably was a district champion. I strictly sticked to my policy though, no swearing in front of the girls.

Form 4,5: Toned down a lot.

University years: I cursed whenever I was irritated or annoyed, which was bad, which meant I couldn't control myself.

And now: Almost nil, only when necessary.

Two incidents worth mentioning here:

In a train: A young teenager cursing all the way didn't realize how much attention he had gathered inside the train compartment. I felt like whacking that boy's head, who had no respect for the elders who were also traveling alongside him.

In a restaurant: Same thing, curse to glory thru the phone. Technology misuse at its best.

My point is it is good to know all these bad words. But don use them, at least in the public. It's really annoying.

The Ideal Lover

2004-06-28T17:59:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, I was watching this show called Ed on tv. Ed reminds me of me. He overly romanticizes things, always looking at r/hips in their ideal most manner. He fears relationships, always looking for the ideal girl who believes is somewhere, yet when he thinks he has met the ideal girl, he keeps queit. He doesnt do anything abt it, which is sad. And which is in evry way like me.

I dream of a girl who is so free from all badness. She is the source of all goodness, kind, honest, nice, loving, caring, understanding, truthful etc. She doesnt even have a bad habit. WHich is impossible, I shud know, but my heart is so stupid it never wants to accept this fact.

And for this reason alone, I prefer to delay any important or urgent decisions involving r/ships. To me, its always better if the girl is non-existent, than being bad, being not nice. In my ideal romantic world, I see everlasting happiness between me and my partner: untainted hopes at its highest level.

Which is not practical....coz it requires superhumans to achieve such extraordinary feat, to create an ideal romantic world. But i am willing to try, be this romantic freak, to achieve my goals partially at least, to meet this my so-called "ideal lover".

Euro 2004: My Favourites

2004-06-28T14:12:00.000+08:00

Dream Team:

Goalkeeper-Buffon(Ita)
Right Back-Heitinga(Hol)
Left Back-Edman(Swe)
Centre Back-Campbell(Eng)
Centre Back-Dellas(Gre)
Defensive Midfield-Costinha(Por)
Left Wing-Robben(Hol)
Right Wing-Ljungberg(Swe)
Centre-Nedved(Cze)
Striker-Ibrahimovic(Swe)
Striker-Baros(Cze)

Others: Owen, Nistelrooy, Zagourakis, Ronaldo, Stam, Totti, Heinz, Seedorf, Maniche.

Fav Match: Cze vs Hol
Fav Team: Sweden
Fav Player: Zlatan Ibrahimovic
Fav Goal: Also considered the cheekiest goal in the tournament. Zlatan's against Italy.
Fav Moment: The look on Sven's face when Rui Costa scored for Portugal.
Fav Young Player: Marek Heinz(Cze)

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Another one

2004-06-24T11:00:00.000+08:00

Another dream. Not as long as the other one. But a recent one, very recent in fact. Had it somewhere in between 10pm and 2am two days back.

Darkness everywhere. So dark it was no one could be seen, not even the ones next to me. In truth, the place was crowded; not sardine-packed but still quite congested. If I can properly recall, it was a 10 storey building, could be an office lot. Not sure what all of us were doing there trapping ourselves in that small place. Strong salt smell attacked the senses from all direction. It was suffocating and blazingly hot.

Help arrived not very much later. The details were somehow blurred. On ground, I realized, there were actually not that many ppl around unlike what I thought when I was in that dark room. But more importantly, we were all safe.

Still I was unsettled. And this troubled me. What were the chances...??

She was standing alone: she appeared dejected, bearing the looks of someone who had just lost something dear. A striking resemblance to me and my feelings, which was pleasently consoling. My mirrored projection to be exact. Felt like a poet suddenly. I had forgotten how love tasted like; but if love does have a taste I want it to be as sweet as this, sweeter than the sweetest sweet. It was a fulfilling experience.

Of what good is this body when this sweetness is lost?
Of what good is the soul when its essence is outside?

We walked towards each other locking our gazes. Her brows were slightly thicker at the nose bridge and they were accentuated as her stare into mine intensified; awakening all cells and knocking each muscles in my body as the look traveled inside me.

I hesitated, to the point of stumbling. But instincts can be a great leader at these moments of hesitation, so I trusted it: instincts made me press her sides hard, squeezing them as I bring her even closer to me.

A light kiss, she gave me on my right cheeks. So light it was, the kiss could have been mistaken for a heavier breeze of the blowing wind. Which was inviting in evry way. Possessed by lust, I asked her "is that it?" to which she replied by pressing her lips harder and longer this time again on my right cheeks.

Sensing a feeling of inadequacy and dissatisfaction in me, she took a step backwards and mumbled some incomprehensible words to me in a foreign language. She sighed heavily, clearly expressing her disappointments.

All of a sudden as if possesed by the mighty Aphrodite, she rushed to my lower lips, capturing them tightly with hers, not even permitting the mighty air to pass thru the gap. She did it with such ferocity and passion I almost choked in pleasure: the punishment I got for being careless for a few seconds. But even then I managed to feel how soft the lips were, the ones which were pressing mine; the warmth of her mouth were comforting and the moist equally alluring: setting a perfect balance in my emotions, in which a certain lightness was felt that left me wandering why I wasnt floating at that moment.

Inviting

Cellphoneless: Setting a Trend

2004-06-22T12:12:00.000+08:00

Cell. Mobile. Handphone. All the same. Nokia this, Nokia that, Motorola this, Motorola that. And it's getting better: both the phone and the service, which is a good thing for the phone lovers. Whatever it is, no one can seriously deny the influence it has on ppl's lives today. It has become part of them: a detachable limb. It's a real common sight now I mean, ppl with their phones.

But I am not impressed. Am not an anti-cell user or anything like that. I just believe our lives will still be normal even without a phone. Even the lives of the so-called busy ppl will be normal. I don't want to argue further on this matter. If you have doubts, just turn off your phones for a week. However, I dont deny "some" ppl do genuinely need them. Very exceptional are these cases.

Is this trend healthy and how do we handle this issue ethically? Publicly or personally? The problems are always there, we just dont want to see. May seem harsh but its the truth.

SO, users use the cell wisely. It's not a culture, don let it be ur culture, its just a tool, a communication tool, to say hi, hello and goodbye.

The conventional way, anyone?

The Beautiful Side of Hunger

2004-06-21T14:00:00.000+08:00

Wednesday: two slices of bread. Thursday: 1 slice. Friday: plain water with chips. Saturday morning: plain water with a few cigaratte sticks. Saturday afternoon: nothing. Early Saturday evening: sleep. Late Saturday evening: Almost died. Got up weak, feeling extremely down, in the most deplorable state imaginable. Suicidal, almost.

The situation has to be fixed, somewhere, somehow. Had a long bath. Felt slightly replenished. But telling u, the headache killed. It had a certain kinda heaviness to it, felt like someone was constantly smashing my head.

Extremely terrible. Walked around aimlessly, took a few deep breaths, pondered over many things, mostly useless things. Gathered the last drop of youthfulness in me, and headed towards a restaurant. Ordered plenty of food.

When it came, regretted. Thought it was too much. But I managed to finish them all somehow. The trick was, don get over excited, and the muscles will follow ur commands well. As simple as that. My condition was much better after that. ...All of sudden felt so special. The explanation for my actions remained a mystery even to me. More importantly, I learnt some valuable lessons that I may not want to forget in this lifetime, at least..hehe.

To believe or not to believe

2004-06-18T11:43:00.001+08:00

Rather unpleasing thought it was. Imagine everything you have were stripped, ur possesions taken away, ur hopes dashed: ur life is in crumbles. U are standing stark naked and exposed to all kind of threats: defenseless, weak, and ur only true companion is disbelief.

Sea of hopelessness seems to span everywhere covering evry corners of ur litted heart with darkness. Will u still believe? And all ur life u had been defending and believing this something that was so intangible, something so abstract, something that can only be felt but not proven. Faith unquestioned and unchallenged.

But a small crack in the immeasurable darkness is so uplifting just like watching a baby smiling at you. So intense the rays are from this opening, the disbelievers are often left blinded at its first sight. What a turn of fate? Tossing and throwing and imbalancing you off ground expecting nothing from you but a tight grip to the rope of hope that had been offered. Can u hold on to that slippery rope? How long somemore before a new test commences?

The crack of life

This was my greatest fear, firmly I can say now that I am now completely over this phase: a period of disbelieve and discontentment.

Unwell and Can't Stop Thinking Abt You

2004-06-17T15:42:00.000+08:00

Have I ever mentioned how closely sufferings and spirituality are related? To me they are very close, closer than most of the things if not all. Why do I say that? Simple. I feel rather weak in my mind and body at the moment. Extremely. I am not exactly sure why.

The thing is You often failed to visit me at these most troubling times. Why suddenly? I never think of You so much. I believe in You, but being constantly in touch with You, thats different. It's not freaky, it's just not natural I feel. It would have been a totally different story if You frequent my thoughts daily even when I am well.

I am feeling rather guilty for not thinking of You much before this. So in a way from all these, I learnt to be more grateful, to thank You genuinely, from the deepest corners of my undimmed heart. Will this new found relationship thrive? Can I hope to find solace in it? Can You at least make my mind be available for freedom?

Someone told me if I move forward two steps to You, You will come running towards me. Do You really love me that much? Do You in turn demand anything in return? If thats the case, I have no choice but to surrender upon You.

A Dream

2004-06-16T10:10:00.000+08:00

I dream a lot. Often they are vivid, often colourful, and very life-like. I still can recall most of them, at least partially. But all these dreams pale in comparison with two dreams that I had quite some time back. And I am adamantly persistent that these dreams carry some great signicance into my life. I will talk abt one of them now, the other one, is rather personal.

It was a run down school, probably functioned as a Japanese Military base during the British occupation in Malaya. The government suspected a few bombs were still planted in the school walls. So I was commisioned with a few others to detect those bombs and detonate them..hehe. In truth, I dont know much abt bombs. Each of us had a walkie talkie, were dressed like a guerilla combatant; I believe the school was situated somewhere in the jungle.

Of particular interest in that school was a classroom. Inside I saw a chained monkey drenched to the bone. It was struggling but looked fierce and a friend of mine was trying to calm it down. The noise the monkey made was loud almost reaching my higher frequency hearing range. Deafening basically. While all these were taking place, a large monitor lizard was charging towards where i was standing at an amazing speed. I was equally fast, and I managed to avoid. The lizard escaped. We didnt bother. Somewhere in between I got fed up with the whole situation and decided to abandon my mission and continue my journey. I sneaked out slowly, and somehow managed to free myself from the mess.

I found a trail, an old piping system leading towards a peak of a hill or a mountain whichever is more appropriate I wouldn't know. I ascended in a few seconds. It was as though I was moving with the wind itself, so swift, so undisturbed. At the peak, I had a few options: options to choose from a variety of paths descending to the foot of the hill. I trusted the same piping trail that brought me up and followed it again at an unimaginable dexterity.

The mountain ended at a beach: a vast golden sandy beach stretched straight on my right and left. Amazingly, palm trees can't be seen anywhere. The trees beside the beach belong to the less dense tropical forests. It all seemed very peculiar. The setting and all I mean. The sea in front of me, was unusually calm, too serene. No near islands whatsoever. The sun was directly above me, the day was bright but not hot. The sands were silky soft and were a real treat for my feet.

Sands of the serene sea

As I was strolling along the beach, I saw some paw prints leading towards the jungle. Too large for a domesticated cat. Somehow, I believed it belonged to a cat. The path was so clear, not intentionally hidden or covered. I knelt down to have a greater look at these prints. Very sure I was then it was a tiger's.

I stood up almost immediately after realizing that I was being watched. Our eyes met for that very instant at the conjunction of the heighest height and the deepest depth. The gaze was mightily intense, passionate and arousing. The sun's rays did reveal the full form of the majestic beast's beauty to me, the grandest of all beast that was: a Royal White Bengal Tiger. But "something" halted me from approaching. This "something" I suppose is fear and admiration. Though I maintained my flight distance, I could feel his soul penetrating my body, passing to me a great amount of knowledge. My soul understood, but my mind failed miserably. It was as though I was meeting a side of me that I had neglected so long. After these short powerful revelations, the beast returned to its home and I continued my journey.

I knew I had walked into civilization again as i saw a group of semi-naked bodies lying under the sun trying to tan their pale bodies. I failed to take down the details. Not so important after all.

Then, I think I got up baffled but satisfied.

France: Euro2004

2004-06-15T15:48:00.000+08:00

The First 11
Fabian Barthez Claimed to be the weakest link in the team at the moment. Proved the critics wrong after saving Beckham's penalty.
William Gallas Never fancied him actually b4 the England match. Potential of launching an organized attack from the right.
Lillian Thuram Used to be one of the best defenders in the world, maybe he still is. Will not forget his solo effort against Croatia in World Cup 98'.
Mikhael Silvestre Not too bad really, if he doesnt repeat his mistakes.
Bixente Lizarazu Extremely hardworking and still quite pacey.
Patrick Vieira Probably the greatest ball winner in modern football. Can't do without him.
Claude Makelele No flair, no skills, cant be seen much but very essential.
Robert Pires When he's hitting form he's irresistible.
Zinedine Zidane He's the heartbeat of the team. The best player in the world. What else is there to be said? Basically, this great man produces great moments.
Thierry Henry Extremely fast, extremely skillful. Deadly. An all-rounder.
David Trezeguet Good finisher. More towards a poacher. He produces some nice header actions.

The Winning Team: 2000. Deschamps was the captain.

Hope

2004-06-10T16:21:00.000+08:00

Hope is a good thing
Maybe the best of all things
And no good thing ever dies

Hope is higher than the highest mountains, deeper than the deepest oceans, better than the best experience and greater than the greatest moments. It carries such a profound meaning to existence. When everything else fails us hope cheers us up. It breathes life. Beautiful, the experience is just beautiful.

Is it desire? No, it isn't desire, it's purer than that. Hope's untainted unlike compulsive cravings. It's much more than that, hopes are sincere emotional needs. Hope is good coz it connects us to the better side of us. In a way, it teaches.

I am hopelessly lost for words here, translating its beauty and grandeur. Hope is just too brilliant, too large to be depicted by words. You have to have hopes to understand the feeling. I sincerely hope that. Right now, I just hope that I can get a bus ticket tommorow.

Can u feel it?

Alexander: The Last Series, I think

2004-06-09T15:51:00.000+08:00

..behold, a fourth beast, so dreadful and terrible,
and strong exceedingly; and it had great iron teeth.
It devoured and broke in pieces, and stamped
the residue with the feet of it; and it was diverse
from all the beasts that were before it, and it
had ten horns.

I am sure right now you all know how much Alexander had impressed me. The thing is to me, the King still has a commanding presence; his body might have decayed but his ideals still live on till this day. Such a character he is, how can I not write something abt him again?..:)

I wouldn't know for sure if he was a tyrant or a hero, coz historic journals on him vary so much. But I suppose he can be considered the greatest military strategist of all time. He died at a very young age, the cause no one exactly knows. Speculations however are aplenty; heavy drinking, apendicitis, internal bleeding, fever, Hephastion's death and so on. These ancient Greeks believed so much in myths and legends, that they actually claimed his early death was expected: it seemed to them that all his successful campaigns and victorious great battles made his heart burnt faster than the other mortals. His triumphs as a conquerer had somehow denied him a long life.

I may have to admit here, probably he was a crazy guy, especially under the influence of alcohol. Few incidences: the burning of Persepolis, the murder of Cleitus, Parmenion, Philotas and Amyntas. As a result, he wasnt very popular back then, and the Athenians were actually celebrating when they learnt that their King had died.

After that, Ptolemy became the Egyptian king, Seleuccas the Persian king, Perdiccas the ruler of Epirus, Lysimacchus the ruler of the Thracian region: but they never prospered like before. In fact Perdiccas was killed in a battle with Ptolemy. All the mixed marriage concept between the Persians and the Greeks were abandoned after Seleuccas's death. And unity was never achieved in the true sense. The once glorious Macedonian empire suffered a terrible fate.

Like I said there are many stories thus too many possibilites. Maybe somethings are better left undiscovered so he can be remembered as a hero. A real hero.

Eternal glory: maybe

The Annus Mirabilis (The Miracle Year):1905

2004-06-08T12:35:00.000+08:00

Energy. Matter. Motion. Time. Space.

In 1905, Albert Einstein is 26, a patent examiner, working on physics on his own. He creates the Special Theory of Relativity, in which he demonstrates that measurements of time and distance vary systematically as anything moves relative to anything else.

In March 1905, Einstein creates The Quantum Theory of Light, the idea that light exists as tiny packets (photons). Einstein's work anchors the most shocking idea in twentieth century physics: we live in a quantum universe, one built out of tiny, discrete chunks of energy and matter.

How smart was he?

In April and May, Einstein publishes two papers. In one he invents a new method of counting and determining the size of the atoms or molecules in a given space and in the other he explains the phenomenon of Brownian motion.

And then, in June, Einstein completes special relativity -- which adds a twist to the story: Einstein's March paper treated light as particles, but special relativity sees light as a continuous field of waves. Einstein sees light as wave and particle...how's that for a change?..:-)

Later in 1905 comes an extension of special relativity in which Einstein proves that energy and matter are linked in the most famous relationship in physics: E=mc2.

The Philosopher-King

2004-06-07T10:42:00.000+08:00

According to Plato, author of The Republic, Alexander is an ideal ruler a state can have. Alexander: he had both the qualities of Aristotle, the Philosopher and Philip, the King. He was well-versed in the political science, a master strategist, a valiant fighter on the battlefield, and a noble ruler. To me his greatest achievement was to unite all the different races in his vast spread nation: from the red haired and freckled Triballians, straight dark haired and olive skinned Persians, curly haired black Libyans and Ethiopians, to the straight haired wig wearing short Egyptians, and not forgetting the Judaens, Samaritans, Rhodeans, Cretans, Cypriots, Anatolians, Babylonians and many other races.

Alalalai!

I realized of his noble intentions thru the conversation he had with Memnon of Rhodes before the great battle of Halicarnassus. Memnon anyway is the only enemy he respected and admired greatly. Memnon had stated that he hates war and rulers who desired war for self-glorification. Alexander protested by saying his interest to conquer the mass region was to unite the people of different races under the same banner. He was true to his words, somehow I guess it was due to Aristotle.

Alexander the Great on Bucephalas